I WROTE A BOOK!

Hey everybody!
I wrote a book, thats right 209 pages of allllll me. If you are interested in buying it you can check it out by going to lulu.com and searching for "Things Will Get Better". Thats it! MY BOOK! I kept it under wraps the whole time because I gave it to my bestie Melissa as a Christmas present. She had NO IDEA what was coming. So yeah, give it a read, let me know what you think. Maybe someday this blog will be famous cause I'm an amazingly talented and world acclaimed author.
I leave for Idaho tomorrow. Goodbye warmth.

Amanda's Lifetime Movie Part II

If you are confused read "Amanda's Lifetime Movie Part I"

"I am looking for brown pipecleaner. My little brother has to make a reindeer for school and yeah" he said looking down at his hands that were in little fingerless gloves.

"No worries! Follow me!" Amanda could've easily told him that it was all the way down aisle 6, but she still didn't want to go back up front and she wanted to spend more time with him! Who could blame her.

"Okay so which of these look like antlers" Marcus said picking up a package of light brown and a package of dark brown and holding them up to his head like real antlers.

"hahahahah! I would say the dark brown."

"Alright cool! Thanks!" Marcus said putting back the light ones. "Hey I know this is kind of weird, but I just moved into town and I think if I have to spend another night alone with my family I might go crazy. Any chance we could hang out somtime?"

"Yeah for sure! Do you want my number?"

"Yeah!"

As Amanda told him her number she kind of had to pinch herself to realize it was happening. For once in her life things were going her way! She wasn't wishing and pining for someone and was actually going to have plans to hang out with a cute boy.

"Okay, I'll give your phone a call so you can save my number and call me some night you don't have work."

"Well my friend Melissa and I are going to hang out on Friday night if you want to come. We'll probably just wander around, maybe see a movie, catch up on stories and stuff."

"Yeah, no worries. As long as I get out of the house!" he said as they walked up to the register.

Amanda ignored the line that Allyson had backed up at the cash register and led Marcus straight over to the other side. "So where did you move from?"

"We moved from Utah, I know, Mormons."

Amanda quietly chuckled to herself.

"What?" Marcus said raising an eyebrow that almost made Amanda bite her lip.

"I'm Mormon..."

"Hahahah AWESOME! Me too!" Marcus said high fiving Amanda.

"So you graduated high school? or what?"

"Yeah, I'm heading off to BYU-Idaho in January, I don't know if I am very excited about it."

"Dude! This is perfect! I am too!"

"We really need to hang out, that way I'll have friends!"

"Hahahah, somebody like you must have no problem making friends."

"Suprising or not, I'm usually not this good at making friends with people...."

"hahahahah well I've got to go back to work, but I'll call you after work okay?"

"Alright, thanks I'll see you!"

Amanda's Lifetime Movie Part I

Ok so lets admit it, we all secretly love those cheesy Christmas Lifetime movies that seem to clog the television this time of year. I will admit it, I love them. My mother is open about her addictiona decided that we must watch a new one pretty much every day. So after watching all these happy moments I am forced to go to work, where everyone is far from happy. So what do I do? I concoct a Lifetime movie for myself in my head. And thats what this is for! This is the first part of my lifetime movie. None of this is real or even very plausable, but it's a Lifetime movie! Lets just Believe. (On a related note I have now decided that by the time I'm 30 I want to have a lifetime movie made after one of my stories.) So lets get this thing started. I am a novelist, not a screen writer so this will be in short story form.

Amand leaned onto the counter with her chin in her hands. It was another boring day at the Bead Barn, a 2nd rate craft store that housed nothing more than the hearts desire of every angry 90 year old women and screaming child in a 50 mile radius. Angry customers came from miles around to buy craft supplies and yell at Amanda. She was nothing special, just another pudgy brunette who was trying to work and save money for college. She was 20 years old and yet felt like she should be celebrating her over the hill birthday. It was all down hill from here. Amanda had been working at the Bead Barn for 3 years on and off. Half of each year she went to school in Idaho and the other half she spent as a cashier slave for the masses in Southern California. Customers were constantly asking if she was new or trying to tell her how to do her job. It was begining to get on her nerves. She glanced over at the calendar, only 12 days till Christmas. Her last day of work was Christmas Eve and she could not wait to get out of there. She greeted another half dozen customers as they either sneered in reply or continued to talk on their cellphones with no acknowledgment of her. She checked her phone, 1:30. Where was Ally? She was supposed to go on her lunch! She waited another 10 minutes and she finally meandered out.
"Sorry I was talking to boss" Ally said coming up with an excuse for once in her life.
"Whatever" Amanda said and headed back to clock out and sit down and eat the apple and protein bar she'd brought for lunch. She was bored when she went on her lunch, but it was better than being bored and being yelled at out front. After 30 boring and uneventful minutes she dragged herself out front. She didn't really feel like going back to the register so she decided she'd wander around the store helping customers before Ally found her and relocked the shackle around her leg. After pointing a few customers to the bead aisle, showing a lady she was standing right in front of the knitting needles and directing about 20 people to aisle 1 for glue she saw something that did not happen very often. 1. There was a boy in the store. 2. He was not an old married man, but appeared to be around 21. and 3. He was CUTE! He looked a little lost so Amanda took the oppurtunity to use her excellent customer assistance. "Can I help you find anything sir?"
"Uhh yeah! Don't call me sir though, my name is Marcus" he said shaking her hand.
Amanda was a little aw struck. He wasn't just adorable, but nice and considerate. She had never shaked the hand of a customer. Not many of them treated her like a human at all. He had thick wavy hair that was smashed down but looked like it would much prefer to go in every direction. He had mossy green eyes and olive skin. He was wearing a navy blue peacoat with a pair of grey skinny jeans and slip on black vans. He was also wearing a thin scarf, which made Amanda chuckle that he was wearing a scarf when it was 50 degrees and she faced -10 weather on a regular basis in Idaho. "My name is Amanda" she said pointing to her nametag. "What can I help you find?"

Friday Fill In

FRIDAY FILL IN!
1. Good Times: are had when you're with your bestie!
2. Rexburg is my home.
3. Sleigh bells ring I shoot myself in the head cause it's the thousandth time.
4. Little people got no reason to live!Ok maybe a litte.
5. Once more I am going to work at a place I despise.
6. I think I can see the end?
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to TJ Maxx after work, tomorrow my plans are to hang out with my mom and work at night and Sunday I want to sleep ALL DAY! But I will most likely go to church.

WTF Wednesday

Today I woke up feeling pissed off and apparently the rest of the word heard about it and decided to follow suit. So her is a little list of what drove me to curse so much today. Perturbance#1 The phrase "you know better" well obviously I don't! Look at me I'm a fat white Mormon chick! I am not going to do something I know is wrong! I am not trying to challenge anything so why would I do something that is against corporate policy apparently? Because it doesn't F-ING make sense! Why can't I give someone a coupon off the ORIGINAL price of something that 16.124% off? REALLY?!? I text constantly at work and I get called out on trying to be nice to customers. REALLY?!? Perturbance #2 Attention all Californian drivers I would like to issue a public apology for not driving like I want to kill myself. I know you don't care about my life but I do! and I will not pull out across a busy street until I fell like I can do so without being t-boned. So please wait the extra 20 seconds and breath. Also I'd like to note that your horn isn't there to alert drivers that you are angry at them or perturbed at them! It is there for emergencies! Say it with me! EMERGENCIES. That means honking at me to get out of your way so I can get slammed into by 4 cars isn't proper. Thank you I really appreciate your understanding. Perturbance #3 People who tell me to calm down. You telling me that when I am already stressed out is a really bad idea. If I'm flustered enough that you notice perhaps just shutting up and letting me deal would be a better idea. The most I'm going to do is grit my teeth, mumble under my breath, curse in my head and probably scratch the heck out of my scalp. So yeah, what about that is going to wreck your day? I know I shouldn't get stressed about some stuff but I do. Thats just how I am so when I'm done and ready to come down I will. You telling me to just gets me more worked up. That is why I won't be a cop or a surgeon or any of those high stress demanding things. I know that so leave me alone. Perturbance #4 If I am mad at you and stressed out standing really close to me and incessantly asking "why?" isn't really a great idea. You've known me for 3 years. I've let you walk all over me! You treat me like some idiot slave you got to do your job for you! I know that's the only reason you ever "miss" me! You hate doing your job and when I'm here I do it all for you. So today, the one day I actually told you I was pissed at you, you went all silent and huffed and puffed around. I'm sorry I finally grew a spine! I'm sure tomorrow when you piss me off I'll just let you do it, but today was just retarded! We'll pick up the charade tomorrow but I couldn't handle it today. So that was my WTF Wednesday. I think it might become a regular occurrence. We shall see. I am looking forward to Friday night and Sunday because maybe I'll actually catch up on some of the rest I've been lacking. Is it January yet?

8 days a week.

Is there any way to fast forward life? Because honestly I don't think I have the strength to face the rest of the week. Another roughly 30 hours left in my work week. UGH that totally disheartens me. Thats like looking up from climbing a mountain and seeing a sheer rock face ahead of you. That is EXACTLY how I feel. I feel like I am on a treadmill right now, like no matter how hard I work I will NEVER get to Sunday, ah the one day I have of rest in this ridiculous ocean. and yet here I am sitting typing this blog rather than eating breakfast like I should really be doing. I just am so exhausted and can't imagine facing another day of mindless work. Honestly working at Beverlys hurts my brain. If I work a 6 hour shift about 3 of those hours is spent staring out the window with nothing to do. The other 3 hours is a mad house of customers, returns, phone calls, unpacking boxes, babies crying, old women telling me thier disappointed in me, and soccer moms getting all their pent up rage out on me. I know someone has to do it but does it really have to be me all that time? Like honestly couldn't we take shifts so that it would be a little bit better for everyone else? Every time I call for a second cashier it takes them like 10 minutes to get there because they simply don't want to be up the register, they don't even try and deny it. I think if we all just took an hour of standing up there we would be fine! And my brain wouldn't be like a scared turtle receding into its shell. Instead perhaps I would be mentally coherent like I am at Kona. Kona is the opposite of standing there and looking out the window for 3 hours. I am always busy there, I am constantly moving and talking and scrubbing. You know what? I don't really mind it. I would rather have something to do all day than just be bored....oh how proud my mother would be to hear that. Well I guess I should really eat some breakfast. Hopefully I make it through another day....I have no doubt I will, but those scissors look more and more tempting everyday. If I just jabbed them in my arm they'd have to send me home right? Or I could always sit down and hide from customers like I've always wanted to do....oh the possibilities. Can January come a little faster? Thank you.

Music is my life folks.

So today I did dishes at work. That usually lends itself to thinking. Today I thought a lot about music. I have talked to a lot of people who have been in marching band and a lot of them told me that band taught them how to work, what it meant to practice and work towards a goal, band taught them what determination could give you. For me band was not at all like that. Band was how to avoid the crowds, how to ignore what people thought of you, band taught me that it was okay to be different. Band showed me what drugs could turn a person into, band showed me what friends were for, band showed me what music is to me. I can't describe to people what band meant for me. It is amazing looking at the change in me from who I was when I walked into that summer practice as a freshman and who I walked out as a senior. I know I would not have had half the experiences or all of the courage. I know now that I am amazing, talented and worthwhile. A lot of the things I did in high school were because band mattered to me.

I guess since everyone is doing it I will create a little list of myself.
1. I hate bananas but love banana flavoring.
2. I love music but can't write music to save my life.
3. I am an english major and am terrible at spelling.
4. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me.
5. I love to be cold and snuggle up in a blanket, I will leave my window open when it is snowing.

The Great Me

So I got home from work. Its been a long day. I worked at Beverlys from 9-4 and then Kona 5-730. So I've had longer days, but I just tired. I deposited some checks, finished my christmas shopping and sang along pretty poorly to the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah, I know. I should really be asleep, I have work at 10 tomorrow, but I can't stop watching Syfy's Alice. AH! I find the Hatter so attractive. He is the mussy, greasy, eyeliner, snappy dressed man I've been looking for. I am not a straight laced, prissy, beautiful girl. I am real. I am a go with the flow, fly by the seat of your pants, hair slicked back in a pony tail, sweater wearing chicka. I will not apologize for burps or sniffles. I am content with myself. So thats what I want in a man. Someone who really doesn't care what others think, but finds beauty in himself because he just is that way. I find myself beautiful in a broken and patchworked way because of who I am. I don't conform to anyones ideas. I was actually just thinking on my way out the door for work that I have never really wanted to be a part of main stream society. I have always wanted to be my own being. Even as a child I knew that and didn't mind being myself. I have never looked at a piece of clothing and had my mind wonder if people would like me if I wore it. For me it is about wearing what I find interesting and cool. That is why I kind of have a taste that runs a year ahead of the gamit. I think that would be helpful if I actually cared, but what does matter to me is music. For the last few years I have been one step ahead of the music scene. I don't really mind and I don't really use it to my advantage, but I have always loved finding music no one has heard of. I don't know why I am writing about all of this, but I feel like I have to. I feel like if I get it down in words it will make it true. It will make it apparent to the world that I am not going to ever surrender to them. That is my one pet peeve, people who give in to peer pressure and expect me to, people who are fake. I love myself and I am not willing to allow anyone to change me so they can feel better about themselves. I am a geek, a reader, a lover, a singer, a talker, a friend, a mormon, a food lover, a television addict, a diet coke drinker, a brown eyed brunette, a texter, a craft store bbq worker, a me. I love myself just the way I am. Sorry if that makes you a little angry. I am who I am and poo on you conformists!

The Golden Pipes.

I know I am not the greatest singer, I know that, but I have a voice. And I don't have that bad of a voice. I love to sing. I've sung my whole life. I used to sing in front of full churches with my sister and my dad. I used to be a core part of every young womens choir. I don't have the greatest voice, but I sing out strong. I have a hard time not singing along to any music I am listening to. Honestly if I have my headphones I am most likely singing along either in my head or out loud. I don't know why I am saying all of this, but I know that it needs to be said. I am a musician too, I've never had trouble learning music. But the line comes when I approach my dreams. Do I want to be a singer or a guitar player? I know this question shouldn't come before the band, but if I decide to be a singer I don't really need a band...do I?

If you die I'll be alone

I should really be asleep right now, but I can't go to bed with this in my head. I took some nyquil at 8 so please keep in mind I am extremely drugged. I was watching the new episode of House and Wilson is going to under go surgery and asks House to be there. House says no because "If you die I'll be alone". I don't think words have hit me more poignantly than those ones. I started to think who the world would feel empty if they were no longer around. I thought of my family, those connected to me by blood and those I have forged into my own little family. In the end I came down to a rather short list.

My Mom

My Dad

My Sisters

My Brother

Melissa

and Matt.

Those are the 7 people I wouldn't know how to move on without. I know all of them would be fine and waiting for me on the other side, but I can't gaurentee I would wait very long to join them. I know this is rather morbid, but it kind of makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like I've really made connections in my life. I am not one of those people who have pushed people away so they can survive on their own. I had a friend die when we were young, in the prime of our lives, and I'm the first to admit I wasn't very close to him. But the loss of him forged me and a lot of my other friends into different people than we normally would be. I know I wouldn't be who I am if he had lived. I am thankful for every day I am alive and for every day these people are alive next to me. I honestly don't know what I would do without these people in my life.
So to all of those you who read this
If you die I'll be alone.

OK Go Secret Show 11/17

As the majority of you probably know I won tickets to see OK Go at a secret show last night. It was at the Grammy Museum which is like IMPOSSIBLE to find if you don't know EXACTLY what you are looking for. Kayla convinced her parents to let her go so her and I cruised down and drove past the museum prolly like 10 times before we figured out that it was there. I also had to pee really bad so we found a creep gas station that had a bathroom that took only quarters and there was a girl in there with no shoes on. Kayla worried about her hygienic safety. We finally found the museum and parked in this parking structure. We then got in line. We were prolly like 15 people from the front of the line and were just talking between the two of us for like 45-60 minutes. There was us, then a girl named Alyssa and then 3 girls in matching custom pink OK Go shirts. 1. They were carrying purses. 2. They were wearing flip flops/ shoes with band member names written on them and 3. They screamed when Dan walked by. Not just screamed but a high pitched siren call issued forth from their empty heads. We really didn't like them by the time we finally headed into the building. They were checking IDs to make sure people were either on the list, or someone's plus one and so we got stopped at the door with Alyssa and the guard was like "I smell pot. Have you been smoking?" Kayla was like I'm only 17 no. I said I'm Mormon and Alyssa was like Ummm no. But he told the chick checking IDs to keep an eye on us, but we did get in. Then we waited in line some more! We waited in this lobby place and discussed weather or not Brad Paisley was gay and such. Finally about 30 minutes later they took the first 25 people upstairs. We were in that group. So theeeeeen we waited up against this big wall in the middle of the museum for like an hour. We all started out standing, but by the end it was just me and a few other people standing. By that time we'd befriended the couple in front of Alyssa who joined in with us mocking the triplets. Whilst in this line we could see this box the triplets were holding that said WTF? (the new single) on the lid. Inside there was a weird message and little claymation figures of the band. Yeah weird. When everyone around me sat down and I was standing I started teaching them my concert doctrine. "Thou Shalt Not Make Claymation figures of bands." "Thou shalt not bring thine purse or wear thine sandals or thou shalt be robbed and have thine feet trodden upon." "Thou shalt not be a creeper and write thee names of band members on thine shoes" ETC ETC. We also discussed having a sleep over in the museum because it felt like we were going to be there for AGES. Finally though we headed in. They told us the pink tape represented where camera men would be sitting because it was a filming for the Carson Daily show. So we went in and I sat down behind a camera man without realizing it. So we decided to move. Of course it took me like 10 minutes to realize I was once AGAIN sitting behind a camera man as well as the triplets being directly diagonal from us. It was going to be useless to move because we were second row and lazy. So here is a picture of the drumset from our seats.

Well we were all hyper and excited and you can see the set list there in the middle under the light and it was really long so we were even more pumped. Some people had been like oh this is gonna suck they're just going to do 2 songs and then send us home. BLAAHHHH They ended up doing 17 songs! Thats a whole set plus more! Well they played like 3 new songs, a lot of old songs, they did the hand bells version of "What to do" which was awesome! Plus Andy played some chimes in the encore which was pretty sweet. There were only like 40-50 people in the room anyways. Kayla kept making faces at the drummer Dan and he kept laughing. I was rocking out too much to have any moments with the band. Damian did talk to the guy next to me about Dinner Theater. At one part Damian came out into the middle of the crowd and playing an acoustic song which was really good. There was a sing along part on another song and he was like none of you are drunk enough or young enough to not care that there are other people here, but lets pretend! He also said he lives there, in that room and that with a push of a button all those chairs fold down into one really big comfy red bed, but he wouldn't show us where that was because there would be way too many people in his bed. I leaned over to one of the girls we were talking to before and said sleep over and she laughed. He also discussed how the only keeping him from launching into space from pure sexiness is the fact that he blows snot rockets in the middle of songs sometimes. He had already did that. We had a short question and answer and more music and awesomeness. Our seats turned out to be pretty nice because everyone stood up and the camera man was getting low angles and crowd shots so we'll probably be in it a lot and the triplets were easy to block out. After the show we went down stairs and waited in line to go to the bathroom. Ok it was just me who had to go, but whatever. After what seemed like AGES we finally got outside and were trying to decide wheter or not we wanted to try and stick around for the band. There were just 2 girls outside so we went over to talk to them and they said they had seen Damian's car down the street so they were going to wait for awhile, so we decided we might as well. Like 5 minutes later the triplets came out and started mad dogging us. and then 10 minutes of mad dogging passed and Andy and Tim came out. The triplets ripped into them like wild savages so we waited patiently for all of that......ickiness....to calm down, but Damian came out before they were finished with the other two so we talked to Damian for a bit and took pictures with him. We told him the triplets were crazy and he said they'd met them before. Kayla whispered for him to run as a mom took a picture of the 3 of us.
When the triplets spit out Andy we discussed how we had the same sweatshirt but mines purple and how he played the chime and he only missed a few notes, but everybody does. And he explained to us how there were knots in the middle of the notes on their chimes which muted them sometimes. Then we took pictures. Andy went over to look at the calymation figures with Damian and looked totally creeped out
Then we met Tim who is a lot shorter than I thought previously. We discussed how he'd seen new moon the night before and wehter or not he liked it. He enjoyed it, but thought the books were better. We also discussed how much we like his tweets and Kayla fan girled and told him the whole reason she had a twitter was to read his tweets. We took pictures with him and discussed how much we liked his hat and he asked for high fives from us

Then Dan waved and rushed by with his wife. Stupid wives. Anyway there really wasn't a point for us to stick around it was just the triplets freaking out over the boys so we were walking back to the parking structure. We noticed the band behind us but were coooool. Then when we were on the escalator Damian was like oh fancy meeting you guys here! And we chatted and he asked us what we were doing on Saturday night. We said nothing and so he's like here give me your names and I'll put you on the guest list. And none of us had a pen. So Kayla suggested we put them in her phone and he was like....but then you'll have them....and she was ashamed, but then he got out his phone and asked us for our names and when he could spell Kayla's name right she was really excited because apparently no one can spell her last name. And he was like and you're bringing a date. And then I told him my name and he was like fjqkedsrt right? and I told him he forgot the 7. and he was like ok it's at USC and if you have any problems send an email to this guy and we're all set, see you guys on Saturday!

YEAH! That freaking happened. That kind of stuff just never happens to me. Like I never win anything in my life and I won tickets. And then I j-chilled with the band and the invited us to their next show for free. HOW AWESOME? I really want to go, but Kayla has a competition so we're trying to figure out a way to still go, but I don't want to go alone. We'll figure it out. Well that's my story. AWESOME! A night I will remember forever! I am excited to watch it next Wednesday on the Carson Daily show!

My life.

I'm sorry, I've fallen behind again. Mostly because I've been using my tumblr as a creative outlet. hence the name.... tocreate.tumblr.com go check it out. I like it. So I've been MURDERING my fingers on the guitar lately. I'm hoping to do music outlet when I get back to school. Working on some original material. It's hard to find time that I feel like playing because I usually like to play at night or midafternoon, but thats right after I get home or right before I head for work. Its a rough schedule, but I am trying to fit in some creative time. I started working with blues grass chords. They are delicious to the ears.
This weekend our house is going on the market so mom, dad and I are taking off to some unknown destination. Should be an interesting weekend. Maybe I'll take my guitar and practice on the beach. I don't think I could take 2 whole days without playing it. My finger tips are all rough and crusty, but I think they might just be my prized possession.
Speaking of prized possession I could get a new coat on Friday! ITS BEAUTIFUL! es purple. I am so pumped for it. I think I'm going to sleep in it. Well....I'm out of random topics. Goodbye.

Soundtrack via itunes shuffle.

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Would the Soundtrack be?
How to do it:
1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc).
2. Put it on Shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Be honest.
OPENING CREDITS
If it was up to me, Jet Lag Gemini
WAKING UP
Purgatory, Jeremy Larson
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
Wolf Song, Patrick Wolf
FALLING IN LOVE
Istanbul (Not Constantinople) They Might Be Giants
FIGHT SONG
The Archers Bows have Broken, Brand New
BREAKING UP
Space Game, MC Lars
PROM
Okay I belive you but my Tommy Gun don't, Brand new
LIFE IS GOOD
Me Vs Madonna Vs Elvis, Brand New
DRIVING
Dark Come Soon, Tegan and Sara
MENTAL BREAKDOWN
She is Beautiful, Andrew W.K.
FLASHBACKE
Breakdown, Forever the Sickest Kid
GETTING BACK TOGETHER
In Memoriam, Everybody Else (MOST EPIC!!!!!)
WEDDING
London, Patrick Wolf
FINAL BATTLE
Benson Hedge, Fun. (Kind of an ultimate battle feel, kind of Highlander ish begining)
DEATH SCENE
Gone Forever, Three Days Grace (......)
FUNERAL SONG
Last Call at the Dolly, These Green Eyes.
END CREDITS
The Longest Hour of my life, Everybody Else

Wifebeaters should be outlawed around me.

It's official. I am going to drive myself insane by the end of my lifetime. Sometimes my head and my heart react SO differently. Like that guy at work I was telling you about yesterday? well today I was all goofy and crazy. He said I had the craziest mood swings he had ever seen. He apparently knew I was mad at him. I told him I had had a bad day and that him having a sass attack at me had just made me errupt. He said "Whatever". Dork-a-saur.
Anyways what I really wanted to say in this post is that there is a reason I stopped being friends with boys.
Rule #1 they are gross, either mentally or physically.
Rule #2 if they have somehow avoided #1 and they make me laugh I find myself liking them.
Enter awkwardness.
Thats right folks, I have faulty wiring. Sure it's usually never more than a little attraction here or there, but sometimes it ends terribly. The one I've got on my mind really isn't that big of a deal...except it's been awhile since I've had guy friends.
Thats a pet peeve I have at BYUI all the guys are looking for wives not friends. Kinda stupid if you ask me. Whatever. So yeah.


goodnight.
p.s. you're not supposed to understand that title.

A Summer to Remember

Guess what! I am going to post before work so you won't here any of my whining of how tired I am or how much people bugged me at work today! YAY! So I was looking at these pictures this girl took...ok I don't know her and...ok its weird but nonetheless I was just looking at her pictures and seeing what an amazing time she had on tour with The Scene Aesthetic. Now granted I am in love with Eric from TSA, I still wished I could have been a part of that summer. I miss having adventures. A long long time ago, 2007, I had one of the greatest adventures of my life. I spent 7 weeks with utter strangers and made some of the most important decisions I've yet to make. Now that I've had time to reminisce about that and to think back on it, I miss adventuring. I haven't really had an adventure since then. Sure little day adventures and I spent 3 weeks in Utah which was fun, but what I'm really looking for is a BIG adventure. A road trip, a vacation, something big, with PEOPLE. I feel so cut off from the world down here in lonely old California. I used to be able to just walk over to the next building and hang out with friends. Now I have coordinate schedules and that happens rarely! so here I am, lonely as a cloud, and there is pretty much nothing I can do about it. Next weekend I start my second job and I'll only have church on Sundays to spend time with other people. If this is what being an adult is going to be like NO THANK YOU! I need something to look forward to, something to push me, something worth doing. Right now I work on my crafts, I play my guitar, I talk to people on facebook, thats it! Thats my "fun". And I know I should be grateful for those releases and I am, I just want more. I want a road trip. Thats what I want. I want a summer to remember. To tell you the truth I kind of dropped the ball this summer up at school. It wasn't until the end of it all that I realized how much I was missing. Thats why I need Melissa, she gets me up and out. So......road trip anyone?

Sass attack.

I would just like to tell everyone....I like to rant....in my head usually. If I am truly mad about something I rarely say it outloud, but TRUST ME there is a HUGE rant in my head. Today at work someone...no names.....was pissing me off. I was silent for 3 hours while I was doing dishes. That someone then asked whats wrong. "Just tired"..."happens to everybody" what a dill weed. UGH! Sometimes I just want to throttle him sometimes. Don't worry, it's not my boss, it's a manager who is usually super chill but can be a TOTAL jerk face. yes, jerk face. So I would really like him to not be there tomorrow night. So sleepy. Who wants to party? I DO! Looking forward to a weekend asleep.
PEACE

I like being clean. Showers are mandatory for my life.

I am so so so so sorry that I've been slacking on the whole bliggity bloggity thing. I am just so busy! I work 5 days a week at Kona and guess what! I switched to nights there next week so I can also work at Beverly's during the day! HUZZAH! Moneys moneys. But sadly this means pretty much everything else in my life will be slacked in. Such as, bliggity bloggiting. Perhaps I will make it a Saturday morning ritual. We shall see. And It's especially sad because I have all these little rants and things that I want to get out of my head, but never seem to get out onto the keyboard. I love the sound of the keyboard as my thoughts flow into cyberspace, especially being accompanied by Elvis Costello's Juliet Letters, which might simply be one of my favoritest albums of all time. Well on to todays topic.

I have this friend, we will call her D, D has always been a little bit off. I knew that I was different from other people and tried to respect their position on what normal is and what isn't, but D....sometimes I don't think she really understands what society is. Well D and I got along.....decently. We were best friends for awhile, but the kind of best friends that you kind of didn't want to hang out with and when you did hang out with them they just embarassed you in front of all your other friends. This was high school so it was kind of a big deal. I started only hanging out with her at her house so then we didn't have to be seen in public together. I know I sound like a terrible friend, but if you had ANY idea of how hard it was not to just smack her you would understand. But don't get me wrong! D and I were friends, there were parts of her that I loved. She knew me inside and out. She could make me laugh so hard. There was just a big part of her that just drove me up a freaking wall. Well we had a bit of a falling out and when we graduated from high school I figured I would never see her again.I thought she would disappear into the sunset and she would be a funny story to tell my grandkids. Well we have a mutual friend who knew how we both felt about the situation, we'll call her L. L was a bit of a mixture of me and D. She knew how we both felt about the situation, but she was a little more me so she hoped D would mellow out with age. L would let me know if she heard anything from D and she'd let D know what I was up to. Well D disappeared for about 6 months....not really a big suprise to me, the suprise was that she came back. Now that she is back and living with her parents they have her come to church with them, which is where I ran into her. So that escalated to us hanging out for a day over by the mall. I would not advise that. I remember why I swore off public places. But we made plans to hang out at her house last night. She told me all sorts of stories from her traveling, as if she almost pityed me. I kept wanting to tell her how much I would hate that life. Sure I would love to have a bunch of adventure stories and have seen so many places, but I would not have been happy to do it the way she did it. We were just sitting there, me with my guitar, her with her ukelele, and these lyrics popped into my head. "and you'd love me to fly free with you byt my feet are tied to this anchor and I don't feel like cutting the rope. Because I love the solid ground and I'd rather not fly. don't beg me to join you in the sky because I'd have to gently decline. I'm sure you'll say I'm just ignoring my dreams but I've always wanted to ahve something solid under my feet" So sure some people would love to travel and be free and ignore the world and just exist in the moment, but me, personally, I enjoy stability. I have always been searching for a rock in this sea of life and I'm not about to let a meandering buoy call me out into the waves. So yeah. Thats my thoughts for the day.

Music that changed my life.

You glance up from your table and your eyes meet across the room and you're not quite sure how or why but this spark is ignited. And you listen to them for hours and think about what they said as you fall asleep and you wonder if anyone could be more wonderful! And they teach you about life and they show you things you never thought you would see and you begin to experience something that is so much more than what you thought love was. And you end up buying all their cds and wearing their t-shirts and you just can't seem to get your mind off them. But as time rolls on something new comes along, that you don't love like you loved that other one, but it catches your eye and you pursue it and time rolls on and on, but you still look back at that golden summer. That year when everything revolved around you and that relationship. When music was new and exciting and you found that one band that meant the world to you.

....Ok so if you didn't understand that I'm talking about THAT band. You know? the band that you stumbled on before you SUPER got into music and they changed everything you thought? The band that when people ask you what your favorite band is you always have in the top 3, or you feel guilty if you don't say them. That band is your first love. The band that made you love music for specific reasons.
Who is that band for me? Brand New. I remember SPECIFICALLY! the first time I heard them. Sitting on the floor cutting pictures out of magazines and watchin MTV or VH1 or something and there he was Jesse Lacey in their video of "The Quiet Things no one ever knows". I remember grabbing the remote and watching the same video about 15-20 times. Just over and over. The song was playing through my head all night. It was if Jesse had reached out of the t.v. and zapped me with his finger and said "Hello, you will love us till the day you die. Now, follow us to your grave" and you want to know what? I would've said OKAY! I had no idea what that song meant (some days I still don't) and I had no idea that their songs and lyrics would end up changing the way I viewed the world, but they came into my life right at that moment when I needed them most. I had no idea but I was looking down the tunnel to some of the worst days of my life and Brand New was there to help me. Could you imagine if some other video had played? snoop dogg or Nick Carter? Who would I be? So much of who I am has come from the experiences Brand New has given me and the outlook on life they have influenced me into.
So if anyone reads this and has a band that changed their life let me know. Sometimes I think I'm alone in this, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. I'm pretty sure Something Corporate was that for Kristie.

Dishes today. I hate them.

Hello. I am so sleepy! Work has been.....interesting. I am actually just exhausted and I thought I should update you all on my life. Just working. mer. es no bueno.

Well..........peace folks.

Birds in the night sky

So work is going alright....mer. work. My sister, pretty much my only friend in Canyon Country, is moving to Utah on Monday. I'm more than a little pissed about it. Oh well.....

On another note the point of my post today is one thing I truly love. That thing is.....putting my hand out the window as I drive down the freeway. especially at night. Besides the obvious reason of that feeling is that I can almost see that hand growing feathers. As it cuts through the air it's almost as if I am a bird soaring through that unending night. Escaping everything with just a flap of a wing. I love it. Happy Tuesday. P.S.New favorite blog 1000awesomethings.com

Don't read this post if you're happy.

I need someone to hold on. Its all good and well to have friends in Chicago and Idaho and Utah and even a town just 45 minutes away or even my work friends across town or people that live a 10 minute car ride away, but without a car and without a sister to hang out with I am alone again. yes yes Mom and Dad. But thats it. I fear that when Emily leaves I will go to work, come home. Go to church, come home. Go to work again, come home. Thats it. My life will turn into the monotanous droan it was last fall. A hollow shell of what I once had. I'm the kind of person who needs soemone to lean on. I've tried standing on my own before, and I have lived through it, but I far from enjoy it. To tell you the truth I hate it. And it's no ones fault. I expect no sympathy, but if I seem despondant and empty....that would be because thats how I feel. And I highly doubt that feeling will disappear before I go back to school. At school I have a life, even if the people I love most aren't there I can walk everywhere I can spend time with people, at home I'm lost again. So yeah, sorry I'm such a downer, but thats just how it is. Just telling you how it is. And to tell you the truth it hurts like hell.

A familiar....taste

Today was a long day, worked 4 hours and scrubbed off pieces of my skin! Yeah, not too happy about that, but overall a rather good day. This evening after a rather long institute (long in my mind because I was exhausted to start with) my sister and I stopped at 7/11 to get sodas. If any of you know my family you know we drink diet coke like a fish swims in water. Some of you may say but wait it's late! All that caffeine in your system will prevent you from sleep. Caffeine stopped effecting my system at the age of 17. Others of you may say it's so bad for your teeth! It is going to rot your teeth. And to tell you the truth, the thought has come to my mind once or twice. I had a very good dentist once tell me to stop drinking soda or to cut back completely. Now I did stop drinking for awhile, but I have cut back dramatically from where I once was. I used to drink it diet soda like it was water....oh wait I didn't drink water then...so yeah I drank it instead of water. But now that I don't drink it nearly as often I find that it tastes so much better. Today as we were driving home after a day that had been nothing of what I had expected I took a deep drink. I was taken out of that moment and that time and I was in a sweet bubbly world. Something that I could depend on. A day that nothing had been dependable was salvaged by the taste that was completely dependable. As some of you know I am a huge Sarah Dessen fan. If you have not read any of her novels go find a copy of This Lullaby
It's a great novel! and here is a little quote that kind of inspired this blog. "Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close hoping you still recognize the person you see there" (344).
So thats the message for today!

On a completely separate note today I realized how little I like people who force me to conform. I was minding my own business doing the dishes at work and this girl told me I was lining the dishes up wrong. I asked her how so. She said that the dishes all went the other direction in the drying rack. I asked her why and she said "......well it's just the way everybody else does it". I looked at her and continued stacking the dishes my way. She came back later and noted that I was still stacking dishes my way. I said "Yes, thats the way I think it is most logical and thats the way I'm doing it." She harumphed at me and left. I just wanted to poke her in the face. Mer. Why did she have to try and make me change such a stupid thing? Oh well. Good night world. I need to put more neosporin on the missing parts of finger.

Ain't Nobody My Master!

As I told you all yesterday, I have become obsessed with watching future shorts. They're just so quick and funny, usually. This one is both funny and also speaks a universal truth. Don't try and make anyone else conform to your standards or they might try to make you conform to theirs.

you should also go to http://omni-fusion.luun.tv/ and then to the shorts section and watch Hexidermy. It's a short with Justin Pierre from Motion City Soundtrack. Es Funny. PEACE

Extenuating Circumstances

Do you ever wish you had "extenuating circumstances"? For those who are unaware or, like I, aren't 100% on what that means Encarata.Msn.com says "factors that make somebody's actions excusable or less blameworthy". So extenuating circumstances. Ever wonder why some people get them, but you nor I seem to ever get them? I really don't know. I wish there was a way for me to get a whole lot more "extenuating circumstances". Like "extenuating circumstances" for my job, or school, or money. Oh.... you have extenuating circumstances? you don't have to pay tuition! Or rent! Or books! Or Health insurance! Oh you have extenuating circumstances? You can have all this money for free! Don't you worry about it! Overall this blog is just about how much I wish life were easier and that I wish people wouldn't cop out of things that are "just too hard" So here is a picture of what came up when I googled extenuating circumstances....odd Oh well night night

Future Shorts

After watching that Jorma video I am now addicted to Future Shorts. Here is another one that I find just soooo cute!

Jorma

Here is an epically awesome music video. A. Its hilarious. B. It's slightly gross C. It's an amazing concept pulled off flawlessly, and D. It's JORMA!!!!! Thats right folks Jorma (pronounced Yorma). He plays Kevin in Hot Rod. Love him, so cccccheeecccckkk ittttt ouuuttttt

The Gift List

So a friend of mine is hopefully coming into some money soon and she was telling me her plans for it. I am a strong believer in not counting your chickens before they hatch, but she has this whole plan for what she wants to do with her money. She pretty much just wants to spend it on other people. This got me thinking what I would do with money if I got it...well besides paying off my loans and paying for the rest of school. I would buy a little red 5 door Yaris all decked out with black accents. From that point on I would spend it on the people I love the most.
1. Buy my folks a house.
2. Buy Melissa's family a house.
3. Pay for a vacation to anywhere the want to go for Jessica and Kristie.
4. A vacation for my mom to Sweden to see her ancestors home.
5. Send my brother and his wife on vacation.
6. Do something HUGE for Brand New. I don't know what, but like buy them a house or a private jet or something. They have helped me out so much.
7. Send Teresa on a week long vacation to Disney World
8.Do something big for Parker's family. Maybe a trip to see them with a bunch of the FA kids.
9. A vacation for my FA family, or at least a big party for LC 1 and 2
10. A writing center and a new set of instruments for Canyon High School, a place where I became who I am.
11. A mission fund for Matthew if he ever goes. And if he's already on his mission a car for when he comes home. Something economical so he can come visit.
12. A crazy bass for Drew, or a private concert with the Aquabats.
13. A trip to Paris for my cousin Alex
14. Money for marathons for my cousin Cameron
15. A party for my bass line, Shayla Emily Tate and Andrew
16. A trip to Paris for my sister Emily.
17. A shopping spree at Beverlys and give all the money to my crew
18. A new car for Laura, something that doesn't use so much gas.
19. Tuition and debt forgiveness for Melissa.
20. A chance at a major show for my friend Rob Rolfe
21. Life long passes to bear world for Teresa, Caleb and Abbey
22. A giant stuffed Falcor for Eric Bowley
23. A copy of a book I write to Bruce Coville, one of my major influences in writing as a child.
24. A concert with Ben Kweller for Sarah Dessen, another major writing influence.
25. Something for Ann, one of my favorite EFY counselors
26. A Horse for Brandy Brooks
27. Tuition for Shayla's Bachelor Masters and Doctorate
28. Another sebatical for Jeannette
29. A tour for Kayla
30. A bus for Jet Lag Gemini
31. and many many many others. I am just too tired to go on. If only if only. Well good night world.

Word cloouudddd

So here is a word cloud from wordle.net its suuupppeeerrrr coooool. It makes a cloud out of the words used most often and sizes them accordingly to how often they appear. so with no further adieu

p.s. does everybody like my layout?!? I know i dooooo

Friday Fill in

Firday Fill ins!!! I'm stealing the idea from Kristie. MAUAAUAUUAUAUAAHAHAHA
My answers are in itaaaallliccccssss
1. I remember, I remember when things were so easy and I didn't have to work.

2. Dear work I want you to know I really don't want to go tonight.

3. Is that my sunburn!!???

4. I'm trying to resist the temptation of going for a night drive tonight after work.

5. I'm saving a bugly just for you!

6. If I made a birthday list a plane ticket to Chicago and an all expense paid trip to spain for Melissa and I would definitely be on it!!!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to getting off worl, tomorrow my plans include going to magic mountain and seeing the Aquabats with Shayla and Sunday, I want to sleep in and go to church with the Embolee!

Work and such.

The last blog was a bit depressing. Nod if you agree with me. Lets just chalk it up to temporary insanity. A moment where I lost all control of what I was typing for the whole world to see and just let my guts spill out onto the keyboard. Metaphorically of course, because I think if that really happened it my short out my computer. So lets take a step back, remember who we are (I'm Amanda if you don't know whose blog you are reading) and move on with life. Because when it really comes down to it, everybody feels like crap sometimes. Its just usually not a good idea to launch it out to the world and let it dangle there. I meant what I said and it's important that some people hear it, specifically one person, so I'm leaving it up, but if you ever feel like rereading my posts just skip past that one. I at times, quite regularly actually, have the undying urge to spew out the things that are bothering me. I should probably have a therapist for that, but Porsha (My computer) works just as well. So after that long drawn out explanation why you should ignore what I say.....Lets move on.

Now how many have you seen the movie "Holes".....waiting for you to raise your hands.... oh wait I'm on the internet, I can't actually see you. Well if you have NOT seen the movie "Holes" where have you been living and go rent it IMMEDIATELY. It's not a great movie but it has valuable lessons to teach us. One of such is when they say the 1st day is the hardest, but then correct that statement. The second day is the hardest because you worked the day before so hard and now are tired and achy from that and now have to do it all over again. As some of you may, or may not, know I started my job at the Kona Crisp this week.Tuesday was my first day. Randy, the owner, and I go way back...to 2006 when I worked at Togo's. He trained me for 10 minutes said "Any questions?" and was out of the faster than a weasel down a hole! (you would understand that metaphor if you knew Randy. He calls all employees weasels) So there I was with the cashier, who wasn't very talkative, Krill (the night manager) in the back trying to ignore me (he's never really liked me) and the other 2 guys just working on the food. I am an expediter! HEAR ME ROOOOOOOAAAAARRRR. I take peoples food out to them, bus tables and try and keep things clean. Due to my paranoia and fear of rejection I was chewing on my lip like I was starving(it's my coping mechanism). I was so scared I was going to mess EVERYTHING up and people were going to be mean and eat me alive. That did not happen though. I survived. That night as I rolled around in my bed TRYING to sleep I just got this knot in my stomach and couldn't sleep because of all these horrible waking nightmares I was having about work. What if I messed up? What if someone yelled at me? I know those things are bound to happen and I know in some cases I can't help it, but thats what I worry about at night. When I lay down to sleep all my worries pop up. When I am up and awake I put those worries out of my mind. When I'm just sitting or standing it is so easy to push worries out of my mind, but the second I lay down and try to sleep they pop up like zombies rising from the grave. So there I was all worried about things I couldn't change. Things that I didn't need to worry about till Thursday! And yet I still worried. So I worried and worried and finally sleep came. Then Wednesday I spent the day at the beach with my sister and mom, but as I laid down my head to sleep I worried. Thursday I spent with one of my best friends Shayla. We went off roading had lunch and visited the high school to see the drum line. Then it was time to head off to work. It was suprisingly fun. I made new friends and such. I was tired from the days before, but it was much more fun that I remembered. So though the second day may seem harder if you wait a day in between it's really not that bad. Well gotta start getting ready for work again tonight.

Not worth your time.

To tell you the truth this is the most down night I've had in a long time. I have 2 jobs, I start one next week and the other in September. Both I will be working with great people and most likely having a great time, but at night I get lost. Everybody is still gone or in bed, the night is flowing in through the windows and Sirius Coffee House is playing on the tv. To tell you the truth I'm kind of setting myself up to feel this way. Have you ever just had this pain not really in your heart, but kind of on top of your stomach? like someone is stabbing you? Thats how I know it's going to be a bad night. When I feel that and my eyes keep fluttering, signs of my heart being empty. So for my few and far between readers, Kristie, Jessica, this is about the same person the sand through my fingers blog was about. Got a text the other morning "Sorry I'm such a horrible friend" and of course I accepted him back just like that. I know things will never be like they once were, or like they are in my head. I should just give up and admit that he just doesn't have time for me. That really doesn't help with my friendship paranoia you know? If you were listening to me know you'd tell me to buck up, say I have it better than I realize. I KNOW. I just want to vent you don't let me "cry on your shoulder" anymore. You're pushing me back up and telling me to get on that horse instead of letting me roll in the mud throwing a hissy fit. Sometimes you just need a hissy fit. If I have learned from my friendship with Melissa sometimes you just gotta give them time to curse their life. I talk to you about once a month at best and its always when I need you most. You're never there anymore. Remember that time you called and I was waiting for a shower to open up so I told you all the drama about my room mates? Remember when I called you crying because I thought my mom was dying? Remember when you were my friend and not just a guy I know? I miss you. And when I say that I don't mean I miss you being here, heck I've seen you what 3-5 times in the last 5 years? No I miss you emotionally being there. I know your a guy, but you used to be my guy. Remember that time I called you as I walked home because I was scared? You talked to me the whole way home. I felt like my life was actually going the way I wanted it to. I know I shouldn't base my own happiness on anyone elses actions but to tell you the truth it's what I do. It's what I've done my whole life. I love seeing people happy. I love knowing people care about me. I need proof. Proof that you're there. By the way the reason I keep asking when you're leaving on your mission is because I know you'll be a better man when you come back. it's going to scare the heck out of me the whole time you're gone, but I know you will grow up. As I told Shayla "They leave boys and come back a lot closer to being the men they can become". I see the man you are deep down inside, don't lie to yourself anymore you are amazing. Thats why I need you to leave. I need to prove myself right. Please. Just go. I know I once said I couldn't imagine what it would be like to not be able to call you all the time, but I get a half hearted text once a month. I'm not going to miss you that much, I don't know how I could miss you more. Your birthday is coming up again. Do you remember what I gave you last year? This year I'm not going to do anything. See if you even notice. You probablly won't. I know what day it is too. Sept 13. happy 20th matt. Go to hell soon. Give me a call when you get there.


BTW For all my readers go check out smithmag.net/sixwords I've become obsessed with it. 6 word memoirs or secret or whatever. Just six words to say what you want. It's an odd purifying process. I've actually got a memoir showing up in their new book "I can't keep my own secrets" plus I get a free copy of it. HECK YES! Well I'm gonna go sleep now. Thanks for letting me freak out and such.

Esteban Powell

So this wasn't appropriate for the other blog, but I LOOOOVVEEEE Esteban Powell. He's adorable AND a sweet heart. (at least via tweet). So here you go. (he's the guy from the Cleaner)

sides of the same coin

So I had 2 other things I wanted to write about from warped tour that don't directly relate, but caught my attention there. I like faces. I like people watching. I notice a lot of things in people that others don't. I like to understand people. So being smashed in pits trying to stare at peoples faces is a little hard, but I accomplished it. Some people just catch your eye. Like for that brief second you see their soul and its a beautiful moment. That happened twice at warped and each experience suprised me. Both of these kids were boys around 14-15. Our eyes glued for a second and then we looked away, but we kept looking back. There was this moment where we saw, SAW, each other. These 2 boys had very contrasting faces. I know nothing about them, but I would like to draw some conclusions. The first boy looked lost. He was standing on the edge of a pit watching the hardcore dancers and he had this look of disgust and confusion. He looked like he was going to say "I thought I knew. I thought I knew everything, but I don't". He just looked so lost and I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay. I have been there and I know how it feels to just be lost. There is a point in everyones life where no matter how hard they try they can't seem to get their footing and are just swept into the sea of confusion. This kid made me sad because I could do nothing to help him. No one really can. A lot of people find their footing at that point in time through music, I know I did and a lot of my friends did, and we were at warped tour. If he was going to find his footing it was going to be here, but he was so lost. I could just see the pain in his eyes. This was completely contrasted with the other boy. To tell you the truth they could've been the same person, they were the same age and I don't really have an eye for facial detail, but his expression was polar opposite. He was standing in a crowd listening to some band (can't remember which) and his eyes were full of hope. He had found himself. He knew which way was up and he was headed for it. I just remember looking at him and thinking hope, Hope is what he has found. Thats why I have always wanted to be in the music business because it connects people. It makes people realize they are not alone in this struggle. I wanted to run up and hug him and tell him congratulations, good for you, you found what people are constantly losing. Especially these days. You could tell that he was at perfect peace. He was seeing perhaps one of his favorite bands, singing along with a crowd of people, screaming the words that made him feel alright again and realizing that those people that surrounded him felt exactly the same way. (I'll write on this more in another blog). But these boys they were the opposites of the same coin. One was lost and one was found. The two most moving feelings in the world. I don't know if I will ever be able to work in music, but I hope that someday I help people find themselves. Help people connect and realize they're not alone, they're not lost. You've been found.

Warped Tour SLC 2009

So as any and most of you know I went to Salt Lake City Warped Tour 2009 yesterday. May I just say what an amazing experience. To spend a whole day with people who love music just like you do. Spend a whole day absorbing the music? Now that is true bliss. So I went with my sister Jessica who I just ADORE! We made custom Bayside shirts, let me just say I worked on those stencils for HOURS and they turned out AMAZING! Here is Jess in her shirt. Man I love her!

We got to the fair grounds and got through security and met up with my old college roommate Paola. We checked the band line up and headed for the first stage. First we went and saw Scary Kids Scaring Kids. Jessica lost an earring. HAHAHAH! First band and she loses an earring. Then again we didn't notice it till like 4 hours later. Hehehehe. They were pretty good, more Jessica's band than mine. She went in the pit and I got scared she was going to DIE, but she survived and lived to enter an even larger pit that night. After SKSK we wandered a bit and checked out the booths and tents. Then I mentioned to Jessica that Anthony Raneri was at the Bayside tent. She screamed and ran for the tent. It was quite humorous. So we waited in line to meet and we got to meet him and took pictures with him. Here is me and him:We saw a lot of bands and I don't really remember all of them in order, it was a long day! But we did see Sense Fail, Chiodos, Drop Dead Julio, Less than Jake, Single File, etc etc. I would just like to get the word out about Single File. I bought their cd on a whim and a shirt in the same manner, but after listening to them pretty much for 3 days straight I think I am in love. They're not spectacular, but they are VERY delicious! Plus, after having met them, their great guys. Plus they have awesome artwork and interesting ideas. This is not your generic pop band. They've got something. Their songs are incredibly catchy. I find myself humming and whistling them even when I don't want to. So go give them a listen, they are worth it.
Of course we saw Bayside. How could we not?!? This was my 2nd time seeing them at warped tour and they were just as amazing! There is nothing better than shouting words that mean something to you and hearing 1000s of people join in right beside you. (I will expound on this idea in a later blog). Bayside has helped me and Jessica through some tough times. Singing those words they way they were meant to be sung is an amazing experience. I would have be fine if the only band we had seen was Bayside. Well worth the trip. Here is Anthony singing his little heart out! We tried to get backstage passes, but to no avail, so later in the day when we were watching some of the bands play soccer beyond the fence we were aching to get over there. Jessica said something odd: "I'm famous, you're famous, lets go play soccer". We came up with some crazy ideas on how to get over there: rolling in trash cans, helping bands push in equipment, just try and walk in, climb the fence....You know, crazy Amanda ideas. Well Paola decided to just go talk to the guard. She gave him some "sob" story about how she broke her arm and wanted some band (generic) to sign the cast blah blah blah. Well to our GREAT surprise it worked! hahahah YES! So Paola just waved us through. WE WERE ON THE INSIDE! We walked around, Jessica ran and got the soccer ball when it went out of the field. We saw Bayside just chilling eating dinner. We saw the singer from SKSK teaching a little kid how to shoot an air soft gun. (Enter numerous common activities we saw famous people doing).

Jessica was clenching her water bottle the whole time, and I was sipping mine every 5 seconds...it's one of my nervous habits ok!?! Well it was approaching time(8:15) to see A Day to Remember. That's right folks, it was 8...latest I've stayed at Warped yet. Well we were walking out of the backstage area and got confronted by a beautiful man! He wanted us to buy the Valencia cd(I already own it) for $2. Well we only had $1! OH DEAR! But then the Singer From Sing it Loud came up and was talking to us about it. I asked if he was from Sing it Loud and he said "That's not important right now! What is important is that you guys buy this cd!" He then asked us if we had another dollar if we would buy it. We said yes, and so he told us to stay right where we were and he would go procure another dollar. So we sat there and talked to Brendan for a bit. We discussed how we live near a town called Valencia and how he looks like Chuck Bartowskey from the show "Chuck". He's never seen the show, but now he's going to. Well by that time the guy came back and we bought the cd. He decided we needed a picture of the momentous moment we had bought a $10 cd for just $2. hahahah so we were just gonna take a picture of Brendan and Paola but it was decided all 5 of us had to be in the picture. So here we are! (Note, both guys were touching my shoulder, so if it looks like i am lonely in the middle, I am not)

After that episode we went to go see A Day to Remember. Man, what a show! 100's of kids and all of them devoted! I am not a huge ADTR fan, I like them, but not LOVE so I was kind of towards the back. The pit kept opening up right in front of me. I saw the HUGEST PIT I HAVE EVER SEEN! It was at least 30 ft by 30 ft and it kept getting bigger! This is a picture of it in it's early stages, but you can see that it is large to start with. (don't worry I will blog more about pits soon. I had a few ideas just standing there watching it)

Overall it was a great day. Now that it's taken me days to post this blog I really can't express how much it affects you every time you go. It's like being refilled with what you love most. I will go again and again. Here is a picture that sums up the day. I was so tired and I love my sister. I got her sweat on my eye....yeah icky. Well see you soon!

Julie & Julia, Amanda & Art

So this evening I went and saw "Julie & Julia" with Jessica and Kristie. What an amazing movie! I really wanted to see to see it and let me tell you it was everything I had hoped for! It was funny and witty and soooo loveable. I just adored the relationship between Julia Childs and her husband, wether it was real or not. I told Kristie last week that I don't think I could love a man if he went bald...sorry, but as I watched this movie I found Stanley Tucci just so adorable! Not physically per say, but rather emotionally. Julia and Paul knew each other so completely inside and out. They were best friends and only wanted the best for each other. Even though Julia was a bit selfish (she did spend 8 years focused on her book) he loved her ANYWAYS! He knew it was what she wanted and so gave it to her. Now THAT is true love.Now Julie and Eric Powell, they represent a more realistic and common relationship. It's not perfect, but it is far from bad! They really do love each other, but they haven't developed completely that they only want the best for each other. Chris Messina, Eric, is SOO incredibly hot though!

I think Julie and Eric's relationship is just to young to truly prove how they feel about each other. That is right I'm describing these things like they actually matter, but they do matter! This movie showed that there isn't this giant chasm between celebrities and normalcy, between love and loathe, between who we are and who we want to become!

In the movie there are huge moments of doubt, meltdowns, and they are on both sides. Even the people we want to emulate are human. They worry, just like us. They doubt themselves, just like us. They are just like us. One of the most important parts of the movie to me is near the end. I don't really want to ruin it for anyone...if anyone reads this besides Jessica and Kristie, but it goes something along the lines of "the only Julia who matters is the one in your head". That is what I found the most important. Both Julie and Julia didn't care what others thought of them they sought out their own destiny. Sometimes even the people you want to meet the most and want to be just like can break all of your dreams. The actual person isn't the important one, it's the person inside your head that matters most. The person who cheers you on and encourages you, not the celebrity who is too busy for you. As someone who has met a few of their idols and hasn't been SUPER disappointed yet I know that is what is important. The voice inside of you is more important than anything they can say when they are signing your shirt.

......so yeah, that was a long blog. Well I'm off to bed, tomorrow is warped tour. Then home to the good old canyon country to find a job. Mer. Goodnight world. and don't forget

BON APPETITE

Btw, it made me really want to learn to cook. :(

Gaia question for the day

So I am part of the Gaia.com community and every day they ask a question. Todays question is "Why is it easy or difficult for you to trust?" I think essentially this is 2 questions. 1. I trust people easily on one level, but completely distrust them on another. I can tell people my deep dark secrets like they were weather reports, but when it comes to believing they don't talk about me behind my back, or that they truly mean what they say I find it almost impossible to trust people. I doubt everyone that I know. I think that they secretly don't like me, or they find me extremely annoying. 2. Now why do I think this is? Well I think it has a lot to do with my father being bipolar. I never truly knew what was going on his head. I walked around him like I was on eggshells. One wrong movement filled our house with storm clouds. I was never quite sure if today was a good day or a bad day. I think it also has to do with how often I've had friends leave me. I lost friends after 6th grade, after 7th grade, after 8th grade, after 10th grade and not one of them have felt sorry about it and not once did I see it coming. I thought everything was fine and then one day they have left completely. This left me alone and scared that every time I got close to someone they would just end up leaving. So yeah, I can tell pretty much anyone anything but I never really believe they'll stay in my life. I want to thank the people who have put up with this behavior and have tried to prove me wrong. Especially to Melissa. She knows how much I've had my doubts and she has proved me wrong every time. She is the best friend I could ask for. Thank you for proving me wrong.

Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.

Do you ever find time washing away people? With people rushing in and out of my life like the tide. I find today that more people are being washed out more than being washed in. I try and keep in touch with all of the people I've forged such great friendships with , but they always seem to turn, or run, or just disappear. I don't want to be complaining and I know I have a great life, but sometimes it seems like the sand is slipping through my fingers. I miss so many people that I know don't miss me. People that I hoped I wouldn't lose. People that I've always known would sometime slip away, but I hoped it would be at some point that I wouldn't mind. These moments have come too fast. Only known you for a little while and you're bolting out of my life. You don't even realize what you're losing. You don't even know you're losing something. I would call you if you would answer. You're too busy with her. I found myself hoping you would be sick so maybe I would hear from you more. Now you take days and multiple requests for me to hear anything from you. I thought things were bad last year, and now I don't even know. I doubted our friendship last year and I'm doubting it more. I wish I could say it doesn't hurt, but it hurts like hell. I know I shouldn't let it. So if you get washed out to sea maybe it won't hurt so much, maybe I can forget everything that's happened these past 5 years, but I doubt it. You'll be in my memory if you're not in my life. Your face will be in my heart even if your number isn't in my phone.

I like how this post, and my thoughts, started out all vague and generic, and now....now they've turned to the person I usually end up writ ting about. Well good night world, and possibly good bye you.

The Assembly Line

This evening I went to a party. Lets just say crowds make me feel overwhelmed. We got there and I immediately wanted to leave. Then I started having fun and by the end of the night I was feeling MUCH better. Then when we were driving home something happened, something REALLY STUPID happened and I just freaked out. It was NO ONES FAULT BUT MY OWN! I just got in this funk. I withdrew into myself and headed down to the basement aka my room and started reading my copy of AP. I came across a review of The Assembly Line and I decided to check him out. As soon as those words hit me I knew it was love. These songs were just what I wanted to hear, just what I needed to hear. So here is some of his music, they're amazing. I just bought the new album. I hope you all enjoy it. Sometimes music is just what you need, and sometimes the words mean more than they would normally. There is so much feeling and heartache in these songs that they echo whats inside of me. So please take a second to listen and perhaps buy the album. Amazing.
Assembly Line Playlist by Manders on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

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You can't make me blog! I'm on vacation!

This week I've been kind of slacking on the blogging, sorry! What I've really been thinking about lately is the joys of simple pleasures. Here is a little list of my simple joys

1. Inside Jokes

2. Compliments
3. Rolling down the windows while driving

4. Songs that could be written about your life

5. Feeling comfortable with people

6. Suprise visits from family

7. Accomplishing what you set out to do

8. Planning vacations or happy times

9. Best Friends

10. Knowing things will work out.

11. Having dreams (both those while sleeping and those while awake)

12. Late night television

13. Nun jokes

14. Code names

15. Not having a deadline.

Thats all for tonight, now....PICTURES OF SPAIN! I want to go so bad. I think I'll torture myself some more.

TLC Bridal Show

So I've been on vacation for about a week now. Most days I spend watching a lot of t.v. and right now I'm watching that TLC show where they shop for wedding dresses. Now I know I'm rather young, and I'm not trying to rush anything, but I know what dress I want. I found last year sometime and only a few people have seen it. So here it is. I know I've got a long way to go before I can wear this and yeah it needs alterations. I got it don't worry. Higher back, longer sleeves, higher front, and i'm not going to wear it in the temple. Plus it's freakin cheap compared to what the girls on this show are paying! Thats right $175 BONES! Yayayayayay It comes in aloe and ivory, I totally am getting ivory So drum roll please

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrUMP DA DUMMMMMMM

I found it at this site http://vintagestyleclothing.com/index.html so yeah, that's all for today. LOVE PEACE AND CHICKEN GREASE

Its me and the moon she says!

I wrote something last night, and after sleeping on it decided I don't want to post it. I think I just needed to type it out and that was it. So here are the pictures I posted afterwards.

I'm just posting pictures to help me calm down and relax

I LOVE Spain! I can't wait to be there one day!

I know that rain is kind of supposed to depress you, but it only makes me feel better, plus I love London. Another place on my list.

And my boy Andrew. He always cheers me up.

Dreams and songs

Last night I had a crazy dream with a volcano, an old pizza building, and cops in it. With these lyrics in it:
"Over and out," she said from a hospital bed
"For what it's worth, it doesn't hurt, don't cry"
"Over and out," he said with a .45 to his head
"The war has taken everything from me, it's all I see, so..."
Run for cover as fast as you can
Where fighters are lovers, enemies are friends
And pens and knives apologize for leaving you tonight
Leaving you tonight
"Over and out," he sighed. "It seems I've run out of time
Please tell my wife I loved her more than life itself"
"Over and out," she sang as the telephone rang
"There's no pain, no answering no more, no"
So run for cover as fast as you can
Where fighters are lovers, enemies are friends
And pens and knives apologize for leaving you
Run for cover and you'll find us there
To take on the anguish, make it disappear
When hand grenades and napalm flames are leaving you tonight
Let this candle burn 'til you get home
Never forget your face, never lose hope
Tonight
Run for cover as fast as you can
Where fighters are lovers, enemies are friends
And pens and knives apologize for leaving you
Run for cover and you'll find us there (over and out)
To take on the anger, make it disappear (over and out)
When razorblades were softly serenading you

odd yes. Abnormal? no.

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Jack's Mannequin "Swim"


Howdy Folks! As you can see above that Jack's just came out with their new video for one of my all time favorite songs. Amazing video too. But thats not what I'm here about right now. Well kind of, but it pushed me here. SO! Last night I realized that I no longer have a fear of being myself in front of people, well not nearly as much as I used to. I'm ok with who I am and I know that most people like me. If most people like me when they get to know me I might as well be myself right from the beginning. Sure I know I have some pretty bad manners and can get uber annoying, but can't everyone? And guess what?!? The people who don't like me? they can go suck a juice box because they're just not comfortable with themselves. I had a talk with my friend who is leaving on a sabbatical soon about how one of our mutual "acquaintances" treated me the other day and after our long talk about it I realized that the girl is just insecure with herself and with others. This year, these last 3 years, this life has taught me that you can't change people and you either have to love them for who they are, tolerate them, or just ignore them completely. That is what I learned to do this semester. So YAY MEEEEE! I'm proud of who I am and I hope you're all happy that you know me!

"Maybe you'll be kidnapped by pirates and they will take you to their hideout as pirates often do. But I would find the secret map and I would vigilante bushwhack through the jungles of Peru just to save you." - Ludo "Hum Along"
Thats how I feel right now, for all of you! Including that "acquaintance" Love her, but she doesn't love me! Well I better showering since I didn't wake up till 11:30 am...yeah I know, but heck I'm on VACATION.
A final question for you:
How do you unite 2 people who are so perfect for each other, but one of them doesn't see it all?
Let me know k??? Thanks pumpkin!

Ok I know I'm not supposed to be posting

OK so I'm done with school, my suitcases are packed, I'm pretty much just waiting till 4 to leave.
Well....I came to the computer lab and got sucked into youtube. I just want everyone to watch Mitchell Davis. He just makes me laugh so hard. so here are 2 of the videos I found love for today. Heres him and Kyle, this is something Melissa and I would do.

this is just so him and I love his new hair cut. MMMM so yeah, love for my boy Mitchell

Guess What! I'm MOVING!

I know it's been less than 12 hours since I last bliggty blogged, but who cares! Its the last day of school, I already cleaned my white glove, I'm pretty much packed and I uploaded pictures! Now thats what I call a productive morning.

So as I said earlier I uploaded pictures, but guess what! My retarded camera doesn't know how to save pictures so I don't have any of my storage unity. Yeah, but I do have some pictures from the winter, and the Cajun bob sign....I'll explain later.

So yesterday I was just staring at tiling and my brain automatically started making different shapes. They're just big squares and yet my brain thinks its neccesary to translate them into shapes....yeah who knew!

Well I don't really have much to say today, just that I'm heading down to Utah today! Beyond excited. I just got oddly tired, maybe I'll take a nap today.

I guess I'll explain Cajun Bob's. It's right next to my storage unit(yes my camera saved the pictures from right after the storage unit, but not of the actual storage unit). Micah and I decided that every town has to have a Cajun something. Rexburg has Cajun Bob's Billiard Supplies....I know odd.

Also here are some pictures I took last winter just walking around. This was probablly the end of march. It was about 30 degrees when I was out on my walk...I know.