Don't read this post if you're happy.

I need someone to hold on. Its all good and well to have friends in Chicago and Idaho and Utah and even a town just 45 minutes away or even my work friends across town or people that live a 10 minute car ride away, but without a car and without a sister to hang out with I am alone again. yes yes Mom and Dad. But thats it. I fear that when Emily leaves I will go to work, come home. Go to church, come home. Go to work again, come home. Thats it. My life will turn into the monotanous droan it was last fall. A hollow shell of what I once had. I'm the kind of person who needs soemone to lean on. I've tried standing on my own before, and I have lived through it, but I far from enjoy it. To tell you the truth I hate it. And it's no ones fault. I expect no sympathy, but if I seem despondant and empty....that would be because thats how I feel. And I highly doubt that feeling will disappear before I go back to school. At school I have a life, even if the people I love most aren't there I can walk everywhere I can spend time with people, at home I'm lost again. So yeah, sorry I'm such a downer, but thats just how it is. Just telling you how it is. And to tell you the truth it hurts like hell.

A familiar....taste

Today was a long day, worked 4 hours and scrubbed off pieces of my skin! Yeah, not too happy about that, but overall a rather good day. This evening after a rather long institute (long in my mind because I was exhausted to start with) my sister and I stopped at 7/11 to get sodas. If any of you know my family you know we drink diet coke like a fish swims in water. Some of you may say but wait it's late! All that caffeine in your system will prevent you from sleep. Caffeine stopped effecting my system at the age of 17. Others of you may say it's so bad for your teeth! It is going to rot your teeth. And to tell you the truth, the thought has come to my mind once or twice. I had a very good dentist once tell me to stop drinking soda or to cut back completely. Now I did stop drinking for awhile, but I have cut back dramatically from where I once was. I used to drink it diet soda like it was water....oh wait I didn't drink water then...so yeah I drank it instead of water. But now that I don't drink it nearly as often I find that it tastes so much better. Today as we were driving home after a day that had been nothing of what I had expected I took a deep drink. I was taken out of that moment and that time and I was in a sweet bubbly world. Something that I could depend on. A day that nothing had been dependable was salvaged by the taste that was completely dependable. As some of you know I am a huge Sarah Dessen fan. If you have not read any of her novels go find a copy of This Lullaby
It's a great novel! and here is a little quote that kind of inspired this blog. "Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down the corners and peering in close hoping you still recognize the person you see there" (344).
So thats the message for today!

On a completely separate note today I realized how little I like people who force me to conform. I was minding my own business doing the dishes at work and this girl told me I was lining the dishes up wrong. I asked her how so. She said that the dishes all went the other direction in the drying rack. I asked her why and she said "......well it's just the way everybody else does it". I looked at her and continued stacking the dishes my way. She came back later and noted that I was still stacking dishes my way. I said "Yes, thats the way I think it is most logical and thats the way I'm doing it." She harumphed at me and left. I just wanted to poke her in the face. Mer. Why did she have to try and make me change such a stupid thing? Oh well. Good night world. I need to put more neosporin on the missing parts of finger.

Ain't Nobody My Master!

As I told you all yesterday, I have become obsessed with watching future shorts. They're just so quick and funny, usually. This one is both funny and also speaks a universal truth. Don't try and make anyone else conform to your standards or they might try to make you conform to theirs.

you should also go to http://omni-fusion.luun.tv/ and then to the shorts section and watch Hexidermy. It's a short with Justin Pierre from Motion City Soundtrack. Es Funny. PEACE

Extenuating Circumstances

Do you ever wish you had "extenuating circumstances"? For those who are unaware or, like I, aren't 100% on what that means Encarata.Msn.com says "factors that make somebody's actions excusable or less blameworthy". So extenuating circumstances. Ever wonder why some people get them, but you nor I seem to ever get them? I really don't know. I wish there was a way for me to get a whole lot more "extenuating circumstances". Like "extenuating circumstances" for my job, or school, or money. Oh.... you have extenuating circumstances? you don't have to pay tuition! Or rent! Or books! Or Health insurance! Oh you have extenuating circumstances? You can have all this money for free! Don't you worry about it! Overall this blog is just about how much I wish life were easier and that I wish people wouldn't cop out of things that are "just too hard" So here is a picture of what came up when I googled extenuating circumstances....odd Oh well night night

Future Shorts

After watching that Jorma video I am now addicted to Future Shorts. Here is another one that I find just soooo cute!

Jorma

Here is an epically awesome music video. A. Its hilarious. B. It's slightly gross C. It's an amazing concept pulled off flawlessly, and D. It's JORMA!!!!! Thats right folks Jorma (pronounced Yorma). He plays Kevin in Hot Rod. Love him, so cccccheeecccckkk ittttt ouuuttttt

The Gift List

So a friend of mine is hopefully coming into some money soon and she was telling me her plans for it. I am a strong believer in not counting your chickens before they hatch, but she has this whole plan for what she wants to do with her money. She pretty much just wants to spend it on other people. This got me thinking what I would do with money if I got it...well besides paying off my loans and paying for the rest of school. I would buy a little red 5 door Yaris all decked out with black accents. From that point on I would spend it on the people I love the most.
1. Buy my folks a house.
2. Buy Melissa's family a house.
3. Pay for a vacation to anywhere the want to go for Jessica and Kristie.
4. A vacation for my mom to Sweden to see her ancestors home.
5. Send my brother and his wife on vacation.
6. Do something HUGE for Brand New. I don't know what, but like buy them a house or a private jet or something. They have helped me out so much.
7. Send Teresa on a week long vacation to Disney World
8.Do something big for Parker's family. Maybe a trip to see them with a bunch of the FA kids.
9. A vacation for my FA family, or at least a big party for LC 1 and 2
10. A writing center and a new set of instruments for Canyon High School, a place where I became who I am.
11. A mission fund for Matthew if he ever goes. And if he's already on his mission a car for when he comes home. Something economical so he can come visit.
12. A crazy bass for Drew, or a private concert with the Aquabats.
13. A trip to Paris for my cousin Alex
14. Money for marathons for my cousin Cameron
15. A party for my bass line, Shayla Emily Tate and Andrew
16. A trip to Paris for my sister Emily.
17. A shopping spree at Beverlys and give all the money to my crew
18. A new car for Laura, something that doesn't use so much gas.
19. Tuition and debt forgiveness for Melissa.
20. A chance at a major show for my friend Rob Rolfe
21. Life long passes to bear world for Teresa, Caleb and Abbey
22. A giant stuffed Falcor for Eric Bowley
23. A copy of a book I write to Bruce Coville, one of my major influences in writing as a child.
24. A concert with Ben Kweller for Sarah Dessen, another major writing influence.
25. Something for Ann, one of my favorite EFY counselors
26. A Horse for Brandy Brooks
27. Tuition for Shayla's Bachelor Masters and Doctorate
28. Another sebatical for Jeannette
29. A tour for Kayla
30. A bus for Jet Lag Gemini
31. and many many many others. I am just too tired to go on. If only if only. Well good night world.

Word cloouudddd

So here is a word cloud from wordle.net its suuupppeeerrrr coooool. It makes a cloud out of the words used most often and sizes them accordingly to how often they appear. so with no further adieu

p.s. does everybody like my layout?!? I know i dooooo

Friday Fill in

Firday Fill ins!!! I'm stealing the idea from Kristie. MAUAAUAUUAUAUAAHAHAHA
My answers are in itaaaallliccccssss
1. I remember, I remember when things were so easy and I didn't have to work.

2. Dear work I want you to know I really don't want to go tonight.

3. Is that my sunburn!!???

4. I'm trying to resist the temptation of going for a night drive tonight after work.

5. I'm saving a bugly just for you!

6. If I made a birthday list a plane ticket to Chicago and an all expense paid trip to spain for Melissa and I would definitely be on it!!!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to getting off worl, tomorrow my plans include going to magic mountain and seeing the Aquabats with Shayla and Sunday, I want to sleep in and go to church with the Embolee!

Work and such.

The last blog was a bit depressing. Nod if you agree with me. Lets just chalk it up to temporary insanity. A moment where I lost all control of what I was typing for the whole world to see and just let my guts spill out onto the keyboard. Metaphorically of course, because I think if that really happened it my short out my computer. So lets take a step back, remember who we are (I'm Amanda if you don't know whose blog you are reading) and move on with life. Because when it really comes down to it, everybody feels like crap sometimes. Its just usually not a good idea to launch it out to the world and let it dangle there. I meant what I said and it's important that some people hear it, specifically one person, so I'm leaving it up, but if you ever feel like rereading my posts just skip past that one. I at times, quite regularly actually, have the undying urge to spew out the things that are bothering me. I should probably have a therapist for that, but Porsha (My computer) works just as well. So after that long drawn out explanation why you should ignore what I say.....Lets move on.

Now how many have you seen the movie "Holes".....waiting for you to raise your hands.... oh wait I'm on the internet, I can't actually see you. Well if you have NOT seen the movie "Holes" where have you been living and go rent it IMMEDIATELY. It's not a great movie but it has valuable lessons to teach us. One of such is when they say the 1st day is the hardest, but then correct that statement. The second day is the hardest because you worked the day before so hard and now are tired and achy from that and now have to do it all over again. As some of you may, or may not, know I started my job at the Kona Crisp this week.Tuesday was my first day. Randy, the owner, and I go way back...to 2006 when I worked at Togo's. He trained me for 10 minutes said "Any questions?" and was out of the faster than a weasel down a hole! (you would understand that metaphor if you knew Randy. He calls all employees weasels) So there I was with the cashier, who wasn't very talkative, Krill (the night manager) in the back trying to ignore me (he's never really liked me) and the other 2 guys just working on the food. I am an expediter! HEAR ME ROOOOOOOAAAAARRRR. I take peoples food out to them, bus tables and try and keep things clean. Due to my paranoia and fear of rejection I was chewing on my lip like I was starving(it's my coping mechanism). I was so scared I was going to mess EVERYTHING up and people were going to be mean and eat me alive. That did not happen though. I survived. That night as I rolled around in my bed TRYING to sleep I just got this knot in my stomach and couldn't sleep because of all these horrible waking nightmares I was having about work. What if I messed up? What if someone yelled at me? I know those things are bound to happen and I know in some cases I can't help it, but thats what I worry about at night. When I lay down to sleep all my worries pop up. When I am up and awake I put those worries out of my mind. When I'm just sitting or standing it is so easy to push worries out of my mind, but the second I lay down and try to sleep they pop up like zombies rising from the grave. So there I was all worried about things I couldn't change. Things that I didn't need to worry about till Thursday! And yet I still worried. So I worried and worried and finally sleep came. Then Wednesday I spent the day at the beach with my sister and mom, but as I laid down my head to sleep I worried. Thursday I spent with one of my best friends Shayla. We went off roading had lunch and visited the high school to see the drum line. Then it was time to head off to work. It was suprisingly fun. I made new friends and such. I was tired from the days before, but it was much more fun that I remembered. So though the second day may seem harder if you wait a day in between it's really not that bad. Well gotta start getting ready for work again tonight.

Not worth your time.

To tell you the truth this is the most down night I've had in a long time. I have 2 jobs, I start one next week and the other in September. Both I will be working with great people and most likely having a great time, but at night I get lost. Everybody is still gone or in bed, the night is flowing in through the windows and Sirius Coffee House is playing on the tv. To tell you the truth I'm kind of setting myself up to feel this way. Have you ever just had this pain not really in your heart, but kind of on top of your stomach? like someone is stabbing you? Thats how I know it's going to be a bad night. When I feel that and my eyes keep fluttering, signs of my heart being empty. So for my few and far between readers, Kristie, Jessica, this is about the same person the sand through my fingers blog was about. Got a text the other morning "Sorry I'm such a horrible friend" and of course I accepted him back just like that. I know things will never be like they once were, or like they are in my head. I should just give up and admit that he just doesn't have time for me. That really doesn't help with my friendship paranoia you know? If you were listening to me know you'd tell me to buck up, say I have it better than I realize. I KNOW. I just want to vent you don't let me "cry on your shoulder" anymore. You're pushing me back up and telling me to get on that horse instead of letting me roll in the mud throwing a hissy fit. Sometimes you just need a hissy fit. If I have learned from my friendship with Melissa sometimes you just gotta give them time to curse their life. I talk to you about once a month at best and its always when I need you most. You're never there anymore. Remember that time you called and I was waiting for a shower to open up so I told you all the drama about my room mates? Remember when I called you crying because I thought my mom was dying? Remember when you were my friend and not just a guy I know? I miss you. And when I say that I don't mean I miss you being here, heck I've seen you what 3-5 times in the last 5 years? No I miss you emotionally being there. I know your a guy, but you used to be my guy. Remember that time I called you as I walked home because I was scared? You talked to me the whole way home. I felt like my life was actually going the way I wanted it to. I know I shouldn't base my own happiness on anyone elses actions but to tell you the truth it's what I do. It's what I've done my whole life. I love seeing people happy. I love knowing people care about me. I need proof. Proof that you're there. By the way the reason I keep asking when you're leaving on your mission is because I know you'll be a better man when you come back. it's going to scare the heck out of me the whole time you're gone, but I know you will grow up. As I told Shayla "They leave boys and come back a lot closer to being the men they can become". I see the man you are deep down inside, don't lie to yourself anymore you are amazing. Thats why I need you to leave. I need to prove myself right. Please. Just go. I know I once said I couldn't imagine what it would be like to not be able to call you all the time, but I get a half hearted text once a month. I'm not going to miss you that much, I don't know how I could miss you more. Your birthday is coming up again. Do you remember what I gave you last year? This year I'm not going to do anything. See if you even notice. You probablly won't. I know what day it is too. Sept 13. happy 20th matt. Go to hell soon. Give me a call when you get there.


BTW For all my readers go check out smithmag.net/sixwords I've become obsessed with it. 6 word memoirs or secret or whatever. Just six words to say what you want. It's an odd purifying process. I've actually got a memoir showing up in their new book "I can't keep my own secrets" plus I get a free copy of it. HECK YES! Well I'm gonna go sleep now. Thanks for letting me freak out and such.

Esteban Powell

So this wasn't appropriate for the other blog, but I LOOOOVVEEEE Esteban Powell. He's adorable AND a sweet heart. (at least via tweet). So here you go. (he's the guy from the Cleaner)

sides of the same coin

So I had 2 other things I wanted to write about from warped tour that don't directly relate, but caught my attention there. I like faces. I like people watching. I notice a lot of things in people that others don't. I like to understand people. So being smashed in pits trying to stare at peoples faces is a little hard, but I accomplished it. Some people just catch your eye. Like for that brief second you see their soul and its a beautiful moment. That happened twice at warped and each experience suprised me. Both of these kids were boys around 14-15. Our eyes glued for a second and then we looked away, but we kept looking back. There was this moment where we saw, SAW, each other. These 2 boys had very contrasting faces. I know nothing about them, but I would like to draw some conclusions. The first boy looked lost. He was standing on the edge of a pit watching the hardcore dancers and he had this look of disgust and confusion. He looked like he was going to say "I thought I knew. I thought I knew everything, but I don't". He just looked so lost and I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay. I have been there and I know how it feels to just be lost. There is a point in everyones life where no matter how hard they try they can't seem to get their footing and are just swept into the sea of confusion. This kid made me sad because I could do nothing to help him. No one really can. A lot of people find their footing at that point in time through music, I know I did and a lot of my friends did, and we were at warped tour. If he was going to find his footing it was going to be here, but he was so lost. I could just see the pain in his eyes. This was completely contrasted with the other boy. To tell you the truth they could've been the same person, they were the same age and I don't really have an eye for facial detail, but his expression was polar opposite. He was standing in a crowd listening to some band (can't remember which) and his eyes were full of hope. He had found himself. He knew which way was up and he was headed for it. I just remember looking at him and thinking hope, Hope is what he has found. Thats why I have always wanted to be in the music business because it connects people. It makes people realize they are not alone in this struggle. I wanted to run up and hug him and tell him congratulations, good for you, you found what people are constantly losing. Especially these days. You could tell that he was at perfect peace. He was seeing perhaps one of his favorite bands, singing along with a crowd of people, screaming the words that made him feel alright again and realizing that those people that surrounded him felt exactly the same way. (I'll write on this more in another blog). But these boys they were the opposites of the same coin. One was lost and one was found. The two most moving feelings in the world. I don't know if I will ever be able to work in music, but I hope that someday I help people find themselves. Help people connect and realize they're not alone, they're not lost. You've been found.

Warped Tour SLC 2009

So as any and most of you know I went to Salt Lake City Warped Tour 2009 yesterday. May I just say what an amazing experience. To spend a whole day with people who love music just like you do. Spend a whole day absorbing the music? Now that is true bliss. So I went with my sister Jessica who I just ADORE! We made custom Bayside shirts, let me just say I worked on those stencils for HOURS and they turned out AMAZING! Here is Jess in her shirt. Man I love her!

We got to the fair grounds and got through security and met up with my old college roommate Paola. We checked the band line up and headed for the first stage. First we went and saw Scary Kids Scaring Kids. Jessica lost an earring. HAHAHAH! First band and she loses an earring. Then again we didn't notice it till like 4 hours later. Hehehehe. They were pretty good, more Jessica's band than mine. She went in the pit and I got scared she was going to DIE, but she survived and lived to enter an even larger pit that night. After SKSK we wandered a bit and checked out the booths and tents. Then I mentioned to Jessica that Anthony Raneri was at the Bayside tent. She screamed and ran for the tent. It was quite humorous. So we waited in line to meet and we got to meet him and took pictures with him. Here is me and him:We saw a lot of bands and I don't really remember all of them in order, it was a long day! But we did see Sense Fail, Chiodos, Drop Dead Julio, Less than Jake, Single File, etc etc. I would just like to get the word out about Single File. I bought their cd on a whim and a shirt in the same manner, but after listening to them pretty much for 3 days straight I think I am in love. They're not spectacular, but they are VERY delicious! Plus, after having met them, their great guys. Plus they have awesome artwork and interesting ideas. This is not your generic pop band. They've got something. Their songs are incredibly catchy. I find myself humming and whistling them even when I don't want to. So go give them a listen, they are worth it.
Of course we saw Bayside. How could we not?!? This was my 2nd time seeing them at warped tour and they were just as amazing! There is nothing better than shouting words that mean something to you and hearing 1000s of people join in right beside you. (I will expound on this idea in a later blog). Bayside has helped me and Jessica through some tough times. Singing those words they way they were meant to be sung is an amazing experience. I would have be fine if the only band we had seen was Bayside. Well worth the trip. Here is Anthony singing his little heart out! We tried to get backstage passes, but to no avail, so later in the day when we were watching some of the bands play soccer beyond the fence we were aching to get over there. Jessica said something odd: "I'm famous, you're famous, lets go play soccer". We came up with some crazy ideas on how to get over there: rolling in trash cans, helping bands push in equipment, just try and walk in, climb the fence....You know, crazy Amanda ideas. Well Paola decided to just go talk to the guard. She gave him some "sob" story about how she broke her arm and wanted some band (generic) to sign the cast blah blah blah. Well to our GREAT surprise it worked! hahahah YES! So Paola just waved us through. WE WERE ON THE INSIDE! We walked around, Jessica ran and got the soccer ball when it went out of the field. We saw Bayside just chilling eating dinner. We saw the singer from SKSK teaching a little kid how to shoot an air soft gun. (Enter numerous common activities we saw famous people doing).

Jessica was clenching her water bottle the whole time, and I was sipping mine every 5 seconds...it's one of my nervous habits ok!?! Well it was approaching time(8:15) to see A Day to Remember. That's right folks, it was 8...latest I've stayed at Warped yet. Well we were walking out of the backstage area and got confronted by a beautiful man! He wanted us to buy the Valencia cd(I already own it) for $2. Well we only had $1! OH DEAR! But then the Singer From Sing it Loud came up and was talking to us about it. I asked if he was from Sing it Loud and he said "That's not important right now! What is important is that you guys buy this cd!" He then asked us if we had another dollar if we would buy it. We said yes, and so he told us to stay right where we were and he would go procure another dollar. So we sat there and talked to Brendan for a bit. We discussed how we live near a town called Valencia and how he looks like Chuck Bartowskey from the show "Chuck". He's never seen the show, but now he's going to. Well by that time the guy came back and we bought the cd. He decided we needed a picture of the momentous moment we had bought a $10 cd for just $2. hahahah so we were just gonna take a picture of Brendan and Paola but it was decided all 5 of us had to be in the picture. So here we are! (Note, both guys were touching my shoulder, so if it looks like i am lonely in the middle, I am not)

After that episode we went to go see A Day to Remember. Man, what a show! 100's of kids and all of them devoted! I am not a huge ADTR fan, I like them, but not LOVE so I was kind of towards the back. The pit kept opening up right in front of me. I saw the HUGEST PIT I HAVE EVER SEEN! It was at least 30 ft by 30 ft and it kept getting bigger! This is a picture of it in it's early stages, but you can see that it is large to start with. (don't worry I will blog more about pits soon. I had a few ideas just standing there watching it)

Overall it was a great day. Now that it's taken me days to post this blog I really can't express how much it affects you every time you go. It's like being refilled with what you love most. I will go again and again. Here is a picture that sums up the day. I was so tired and I love my sister. I got her sweat on my eye....yeah icky. Well see you soon!

Julie & Julia, Amanda & Art

So this evening I went and saw "Julie & Julia" with Jessica and Kristie. What an amazing movie! I really wanted to see to see it and let me tell you it was everything I had hoped for! It was funny and witty and soooo loveable. I just adored the relationship between Julia Childs and her husband, wether it was real or not. I told Kristie last week that I don't think I could love a man if he went bald...sorry, but as I watched this movie I found Stanley Tucci just so adorable! Not physically per say, but rather emotionally. Julia and Paul knew each other so completely inside and out. They were best friends and only wanted the best for each other. Even though Julia was a bit selfish (she did spend 8 years focused on her book) he loved her ANYWAYS! He knew it was what she wanted and so gave it to her. Now THAT is true love.Now Julie and Eric Powell, they represent a more realistic and common relationship. It's not perfect, but it is far from bad! They really do love each other, but they haven't developed completely that they only want the best for each other. Chris Messina, Eric, is SOO incredibly hot though!

I think Julie and Eric's relationship is just to young to truly prove how they feel about each other. That is right I'm describing these things like they actually matter, but they do matter! This movie showed that there isn't this giant chasm between celebrities and normalcy, between love and loathe, between who we are and who we want to become!

In the movie there are huge moments of doubt, meltdowns, and they are on both sides. Even the people we want to emulate are human. They worry, just like us. They doubt themselves, just like us. They are just like us. One of the most important parts of the movie to me is near the end. I don't really want to ruin it for anyone...if anyone reads this besides Jessica and Kristie, but it goes something along the lines of "the only Julia who matters is the one in your head". That is what I found the most important. Both Julie and Julia didn't care what others thought of them they sought out their own destiny. Sometimes even the people you want to meet the most and want to be just like can break all of your dreams. The actual person isn't the important one, it's the person inside your head that matters most. The person who cheers you on and encourages you, not the celebrity who is too busy for you. As someone who has met a few of their idols and hasn't been SUPER disappointed yet I know that is what is important. The voice inside of you is more important than anything they can say when they are signing your shirt.

......so yeah, that was a long blog. Well I'm off to bed, tomorrow is warped tour. Then home to the good old canyon country to find a job. Mer. Goodnight world. and don't forget

BON APPETITE

Btw, it made me really want to learn to cook. :(

Gaia question for the day

So I am part of the Gaia.com community and every day they ask a question. Todays question is "Why is it easy or difficult for you to trust?" I think essentially this is 2 questions. 1. I trust people easily on one level, but completely distrust them on another. I can tell people my deep dark secrets like they were weather reports, but when it comes to believing they don't talk about me behind my back, or that they truly mean what they say I find it almost impossible to trust people. I doubt everyone that I know. I think that they secretly don't like me, or they find me extremely annoying. 2. Now why do I think this is? Well I think it has a lot to do with my father being bipolar. I never truly knew what was going on his head. I walked around him like I was on eggshells. One wrong movement filled our house with storm clouds. I was never quite sure if today was a good day or a bad day. I think it also has to do with how often I've had friends leave me. I lost friends after 6th grade, after 7th grade, after 8th grade, after 10th grade and not one of them have felt sorry about it and not once did I see it coming. I thought everything was fine and then one day they have left completely. This left me alone and scared that every time I got close to someone they would just end up leaving. So yeah, I can tell pretty much anyone anything but I never really believe they'll stay in my life. I want to thank the people who have put up with this behavior and have tried to prove me wrong. Especially to Melissa. She knows how much I've had my doubts and she has proved me wrong every time. She is the best friend I could ask for. Thank you for proving me wrong.

Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.

Do you ever find time washing away people? With people rushing in and out of my life like the tide. I find today that more people are being washed out more than being washed in. I try and keep in touch with all of the people I've forged such great friendships with , but they always seem to turn, or run, or just disappear. I don't want to be complaining and I know I have a great life, but sometimes it seems like the sand is slipping through my fingers. I miss so many people that I know don't miss me. People that I hoped I wouldn't lose. People that I've always known would sometime slip away, but I hoped it would be at some point that I wouldn't mind. These moments have come too fast. Only known you for a little while and you're bolting out of my life. You don't even realize what you're losing. You don't even know you're losing something. I would call you if you would answer. You're too busy with her. I found myself hoping you would be sick so maybe I would hear from you more. Now you take days and multiple requests for me to hear anything from you. I thought things were bad last year, and now I don't even know. I doubted our friendship last year and I'm doubting it more. I wish I could say it doesn't hurt, but it hurts like hell. I know I shouldn't let it. So if you get washed out to sea maybe it won't hurt so much, maybe I can forget everything that's happened these past 5 years, but I doubt it. You'll be in my memory if you're not in my life. Your face will be in my heart even if your number isn't in my phone.

I like how this post, and my thoughts, started out all vague and generic, and now....now they've turned to the person I usually end up writ ting about. Well good night world, and possibly good bye you.

The Assembly Line

This evening I went to a party. Lets just say crowds make me feel overwhelmed. We got there and I immediately wanted to leave. Then I started having fun and by the end of the night I was feeling MUCH better. Then when we were driving home something happened, something REALLY STUPID happened and I just freaked out. It was NO ONES FAULT BUT MY OWN! I just got in this funk. I withdrew into myself and headed down to the basement aka my room and started reading my copy of AP. I came across a review of The Assembly Line and I decided to check him out. As soon as those words hit me I knew it was love. These songs were just what I wanted to hear, just what I needed to hear. So here is some of his music, they're amazing. I just bought the new album. I hope you all enjoy it. Sometimes music is just what you need, and sometimes the words mean more than they would normally. There is so much feeling and heartache in these songs that they echo whats inside of me. So please take a second to listen and perhaps buy the album. Amazing.
Assembly Line Playlist by Manders on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

Shared via AddThis

You can't make me blog! I'm on vacation!

This week I've been kind of slacking on the blogging, sorry! What I've really been thinking about lately is the joys of simple pleasures. Here is a little list of my simple joys

1. Inside Jokes

2. Compliments
3. Rolling down the windows while driving

4. Songs that could be written about your life

5. Feeling comfortable with people

6. Suprise visits from family

7. Accomplishing what you set out to do

8. Planning vacations or happy times

9. Best Friends

10. Knowing things will work out.

11. Having dreams (both those while sleeping and those while awake)

12. Late night television

13. Nun jokes

14. Code names

15. Not having a deadline.

Thats all for tonight, now....PICTURES OF SPAIN! I want to go so bad. I think I'll torture myself some more.