I WROTE A BOOK!

Hey everybody!
I wrote a book, thats right 209 pages of allllll me. If you are interested in buying it you can check it out by going to lulu.com and searching for "Things Will Get Better". Thats it! MY BOOK! I kept it under wraps the whole time because I gave it to my bestie Melissa as a Christmas present. She had NO IDEA what was coming. So yeah, give it a read, let me know what you think. Maybe someday this blog will be famous cause I'm an amazingly talented and world acclaimed author.
I leave for Idaho tomorrow. Goodbye warmth.

Amanda's Lifetime Movie Part II

If you are confused read "Amanda's Lifetime Movie Part I"

"I am looking for brown pipecleaner. My little brother has to make a reindeer for school and yeah" he said looking down at his hands that were in little fingerless gloves.

"No worries! Follow me!" Amanda could've easily told him that it was all the way down aisle 6, but she still didn't want to go back up front and she wanted to spend more time with him! Who could blame her.

"Okay so which of these look like antlers" Marcus said picking up a package of light brown and a package of dark brown and holding them up to his head like real antlers.

"hahahahah! I would say the dark brown."

"Alright cool! Thanks!" Marcus said putting back the light ones. "Hey I know this is kind of weird, but I just moved into town and I think if I have to spend another night alone with my family I might go crazy. Any chance we could hang out somtime?"

"Yeah for sure! Do you want my number?"

"Yeah!"

As Amanda told him her number she kind of had to pinch herself to realize it was happening. For once in her life things were going her way! She wasn't wishing and pining for someone and was actually going to have plans to hang out with a cute boy.

"Okay, I'll give your phone a call so you can save my number and call me some night you don't have work."

"Well my friend Melissa and I are going to hang out on Friday night if you want to come. We'll probably just wander around, maybe see a movie, catch up on stories and stuff."

"Yeah, no worries. As long as I get out of the house!" he said as they walked up to the register.

Amanda ignored the line that Allyson had backed up at the cash register and led Marcus straight over to the other side. "So where did you move from?"

"We moved from Utah, I know, Mormons."

Amanda quietly chuckled to herself.

"What?" Marcus said raising an eyebrow that almost made Amanda bite her lip.

"I'm Mormon..."

"Hahahah AWESOME! Me too!" Marcus said high fiving Amanda.

"So you graduated high school? or what?"

"Yeah, I'm heading off to BYU-Idaho in January, I don't know if I am very excited about it."

"Dude! This is perfect! I am too!"

"We really need to hang out, that way I'll have friends!"

"Hahahah, somebody like you must have no problem making friends."

"Suprising or not, I'm usually not this good at making friends with people...."

"hahahahah well I've got to go back to work, but I'll call you after work okay?"

"Alright, thanks I'll see you!"

Amanda's Lifetime Movie Part I

Ok so lets admit it, we all secretly love those cheesy Christmas Lifetime movies that seem to clog the television this time of year. I will admit it, I love them. My mother is open about her addictiona decided that we must watch a new one pretty much every day. So after watching all these happy moments I am forced to go to work, where everyone is far from happy. So what do I do? I concoct a Lifetime movie for myself in my head. And thats what this is for! This is the first part of my lifetime movie. None of this is real or even very plausable, but it's a Lifetime movie! Lets just Believe. (On a related note I have now decided that by the time I'm 30 I want to have a lifetime movie made after one of my stories.) So lets get this thing started. I am a novelist, not a screen writer so this will be in short story form.

Amand leaned onto the counter with her chin in her hands. It was another boring day at the Bead Barn, a 2nd rate craft store that housed nothing more than the hearts desire of every angry 90 year old women and screaming child in a 50 mile radius. Angry customers came from miles around to buy craft supplies and yell at Amanda. She was nothing special, just another pudgy brunette who was trying to work and save money for college. She was 20 years old and yet felt like she should be celebrating her over the hill birthday. It was all down hill from here. Amanda had been working at the Bead Barn for 3 years on and off. Half of each year she went to school in Idaho and the other half she spent as a cashier slave for the masses in Southern California. Customers were constantly asking if she was new or trying to tell her how to do her job. It was begining to get on her nerves. She glanced over at the calendar, only 12 days till Christmas. Her last day of work was Christmas Eve and she could not wait to get out of there. She greeted another half dozen customers as they either sneered in reply or continued to talk on their cellphones with no acknowledgment of her. She checked her phone, 1:30. Where was Ally? She was supposed to go on her lunch! She waited another 10 minutes and she finally meandered out.
"Sorry I was talking to boss" Ally said coming up with an excuse for once in her life.
"Whatever" Amanda said and headed back to clock out and sit down and eat the apple and protein bar she'd brought for lunch. She was bored when she went on her lunch, but it was better than being bored and being yelled at out front. After 30 boring and uneventful minutes she dragged herself out front. She didn't really feel like going back to the register so she decided she'd wander around the store helping customers before Ally found her and relocked the shackle around her leg. After pointing a few customers to the bead aisle, showing a lady she was standing right in front of the knitting needles and directing about 20 people to aisle 1 for glue she saw something that did not happen very often. 1. There was a boy in the store. 2. He was not an old married man, but appeared to be around 21. and 3. He was CUTE! He looked a little lost so Amanda took the oppurtunity to use her excellent customer assistance. "Can I help you find anything sir?"
"Uhh yeah! Don't call me sir though, my name is Marcus" he said shaking her hand.
Amanda was a little aw struck. He wasn't just adorable, but nice and considerate. She had never shaked the hand of a customer. Not many of them treated her like a human at all. He had thick wavy hair that was smashed down but looked like it would much prefer to go in every direction. He had mossy green eyes and olive skin. He was wearing a navy blue peacoat with a pair of grey skinny jeans and slip on black vans. He was also wearing a thin scarf, which made Amanda chuckle that he was wearing a scarf when it was 50 degrees and she faced -10 weather on a regular basis in Idaho. "My name is Amanda" she said pointing to her nametag. "What can I help you find?"

Friday Fill In

FRIDAY FILL IN!
1. Good Times: are had when you're with your bestie!
2. Rexburg is my home.
3. Sleigh bells ring I shoot myself in the head cause it's the thousandth time.
4. Little people got no reason to live!Ok maybe a litte.
5. Once more I am going to work at a place I despise.
6. I think I can see the end?
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to TJ Maxx after work, tomorrow my plans are to hang out with my mom and work at night and Sunday I want to sleep ALL DAY! But I will most likely go to church.

WTF Wednesday

Today I woke up feeling pissed off and apparently the rest of the word heard about it and decided to follow suit. So her is a little list of what drove me to curse so much today. Perturbance#1 The phrase "you know better" well obviously I don't! Look at me I'm a fat white Mormon chick! I am not going to do something I know is wrong! I am not trying to challenge anything so why would I do something that is against corporate policy apparently? Because it doesn't F-ING make sense! Why can't I give someone a coupon off the ORIGINAL price of something that 16.124% off? REALLY?!? I text constantly at work and I get called out on trying to be nice to customers. REALLY?!? Perturbance #2 Attention all Californian drivers I would like to issue a public apology for not driving like I want to kill myself. I know you don't care about my life but I do! and I will not pull out across a busy street until I fell like I can do so without being t-boned. So please wait the extra 20 seconds and breath. Also I'd like to note that your horn isn't there to alert drivers that you are angry at them or perturbed at them! It is there for emergencies! Say it with me! EMERGENCIES. That means honking at me to get out of your way so I can get slammed into by 4 cars isn't proper. Thank you I really appreciate your understanding. Perturbance #3 People who tell me to calm down. You telling me that when I am already stressed out is a really bad idea. If I'm flustered enough that you notice perhaps just shutting up and letting me deal would be a better idea. The most I'm going to do is grit my teeth, mumble under my breath, curse in my head and probably scratch the heck out of my scalp. So yeah, what about that is going to wreck your day? I know I shouldn't get stressed about some stuff but I do. Thats just how I am so when I'm done and ready to come down I will. You telling me to just gets me more worked up. That is why I won't be a cop or a surgeon or any of those high stress demanding things. I know that so leave me alone. Perturbance #4 If I am mad at you and stressed out standing really close to me and incessantly asking "why?" isn't really a great idea. You've known me for 3 years. I've let you walk all over me! You treat me like some idiot slave you got to do your job for you! I know that's the only reason you ever "miss" me! You hate doing your job and when I'm here I do it all for you. So today, the one day I actually told you I was pissed at you, you went all silent and huffed and puffed around. I'm sorry I finally grew a spine! I'm sure tomorrow when you piss me off I'll just let you do it, but today was just retarded! We'll pick up the charade tomorrow but I couldn't handle it today. So that was my WTF Wednesday. I think it might become a regular occurrence. We shall see. I am looking forward to Friday night and Sunday because maybe I'll actually catch up on some of the rest I've been lacking. Is it January yet?

8 days a week.

Is there any way to fast forward life? Because honestly I don't think I have the strength to face the rest of the week. Another roughly 30 hours left in my work week. UGH that totally disheartens me. Thats like looking up from climbing a mountain and seeing a sheer rock face ahead of you. That is EXACTLY how I feel. I feel like I am on a treadmill right now, like no matter how hard I work I will NEVER get to Sunday, ah the one day I have of rest in this ridiculous ocean. and yet here I am sitting typing this blog rather than eating breakfast like I should really be doing. I just am so exhausted and can't imagine facing another day of mindless work. Honestly working at Beverlys hurts my brain. If I work a 6 hour shift about 3 of those hours is spent staring out the window with nothing to do. The other 3 hours is a mad house of customers, returns, phone calls, unpacking boxes, babies crying, old women telling me thier disappointed in me, and soccer moms getting all their pent up rage out on me. I know someone has to do it but does it really have to be me all that time? Like honestly couldn't we take shifts so that it would be a little bit better for everyone else? Every time I call for a second cashier it takes them like 10 minutes to get there because they simply don't want to be up the register, they don't even try and deny it. I think if we all just took an hour of standing up there we would be fine! And my brain wouldn't be like a scared turtle receding into its shell. Instead perhaps I would be mentally coherent like I am at Kona. Kona is the opposite of standing there and looking out the window for 3 hours. I am always busy there, I am constantly moving and talking and scrubbing. You know what? I don't really mind it. I would rather have something to do all day than just be bored....oh how proud my mother would be to hear that. Well I guess I should really eat some breakfast. Hopefully I make it through another day....I have no doubt I will, but those scissors look more and more tempting everyday. If I just jabbed them in my arm they'd have to send me home right? Or I could always sit down and hide from customers like I've always wanted to do....oh the possibilities. Can January come a little faster? Thank you.

Music is my life folks.

So today I did dishes at work. That usually lends itself to thinking. Today I thought a lot about music. I have talked to a lot of people who have been in marching band and a lot of them told me that band taught them how to work, what it meant to practice and work towards a goal, band taught them what determination could give you. For me band was not at all like that. Band was how to avoid the crowds, how to ignore what people thought of you, band taught me that it was okay to be different. Band showed me what drugs could turn a person into, band showed me what friends were for, band showed me what music is to me. I can't describe to people what band meant for me. It is amazing looking at the change in me from who I was when I walked into that summer practice as a freshman and who I walked out as a senior. I know I would not have had half the experiences or all of the courage. I know now that I am amazing, talented and worthwhile. A lot of the things I did in high school were because band mattered to me.

I guess since everyone is doing it I will create a little list of myself.
1. I hate bananas but love banana flavoring.
2. I love music but can't write music to save my life.
3. I am an english major and am terrible at spelling.
4. I don't really care what anyone thinks of me.
5. I love to be cold and snuggle up in a blanket, I will leave my window open when it is snowing.

The Great Me

So I got home from work. Its been a long day. I worked at Beverlys from 9-4 and then Kona 5-730. So I've had longer days, but I just tired. I deposited some checks, finished my christmas shopping and sang along pretty poorly to the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah, I know. I should really be asleep, I have work at 10 tomorrow, but I can't stop watching Syfy's Alice. AH! I find the Hatter so attractive. He is the mussy, greasy, eyeliner, snappy dressed man I've been looking for. I am not a straight laced, prissy, beautiful girl. I am real. I am a go with the flow, fly by the seat of your pants, hair slicked back in a pony tail, sweater wearing chicka. I will not apologize for burps or sniffles. I am content with myself. So thats what I want in a man. Someone who really doesn't care what others think, but finds beauty in himself because he just is that way. I find myself beautiful in a broken and patchworked way because of who I am. I don't conform to anyones ideas. I was actually just thinking on my way out the door for work that I have never really wanted to be a part of main stream society. I have always wanted to be my own being. Even as a child I knew that and didn't mind being myself. I have never looked at a piece of clothing and had my mind wonder if people would like me if I wore it. For me it is about wearing what I find interesting and cool. That is why I kind of have a taste that runs a year ahead of the gamit. I think that would be helpful if I actually cared, but what does matter to me is music. For the last few years I have been one step ahead of the music scene. I don't really mind and I don't really use it to my advantage, but I have always loved finding music no one has heard of. I don't know why I am writing about all of this, but I feel like I have to. I feel like if I get it down in words it will make it true. It will make it apparent to the world that I am not going to ever surrender to them. That is my one pet peeve, people who give in to peer pressure and expect me to, people who are fake. I love myself and I am not willing to allow anyone to change me so they can feel better about themselves. I am a geek, a reader, a lover, a singer, a talker, a friend, a mormon, a food lover, a television addict, a diet coke drinker, a brown eyed brunette, a texter, a craft store bbq worker, a me. I love myself just the way I am. Sorry if that makes you a little angry. I am who I am and poo on you conformists!

The Golden Pipes.

I know I am not the greatest singer, I know that, but I have a voice. And I don't have that bad of a voice. I love to sing. I've sung my whole life. I used to sing in front of full churches with my sister and my dad. I used to be a core part of every young womens choir. I don't have the greatest voice, but I sing out strong. I have a hard time not singing along to any music I am listening to. Honestly if I have my headphones I am most likely singing along either in my head or out loud. I don't know why I am saying all of this, but I know that it needs to be said. I am a musician too, I've never had trouble learning music. But the line comes when I approach my dreams. Do I want to be a singer or a guitar player? I know this question shouldn't come before the band, but if I decide to be a singer I don't really need a band...do I?