As Amanda helped abate the line of angry old women she couldn't get her mind off Marcus. He was funny and soooo cute and really nice. If things went right with everything maybe she could drive up to Idaho with him. Is there anything better than a road trip with a cute boy?
Work at the Bead Barn normally passed slowly, but that day the clock was running at a glacial pace. Finally 4 rolled around and Amanda was pacing her 2 foot by 2 foot square waiting for Ally to come release her.
"Allyson please come to the register. Allyson please come to the register" Amanda said into the intercom 5 minutes later when she couldn't take another minute of the monotany.
Finally 5 more minutes later Ally managed to find the register.
"What's the rush?"
"Might have a date with a cute customer tonight?"
"Meh, men will only break your heart-- " and before Ally could go off into her schpiel about her divorce Amanda snuck to the back to clock out.
She punched in her number and clocked out and grabbed her back pack, throwing her apron on her hook at the same time. She pulled her phone out of her pocket.
1 missed call, 2 text messages.
Amanda quickly saved Marcus' number and then opened the text messages.
Text #1
Marcus: Hey so any chance we could hang out tonight? My family is driving me nuts.
Text #2
Melissa: I need a girls night! STAT!
Amanda was obligated, by the sacred bonds of best friendship, to respond to Melissa first. Who would she be if she put testies before besties?
"Hey, for sure. Quick question, any chance I could bring this new kid Marcus I met today?" she typed, thumbs aflying and sent.
10 seconds later a buzz. She didn't want to text Marcus back until she was sure Melissa was okay with it. Amanda flipped open her phone with fingers crossed.
Melissa: Yeah, totally kosher. Diner?
Amand typed back "yes, 8. Gotta get ready!" and sent it.
She pulled up Marcus' text next and typed "Hey! Yeah totally. My friend Melissa and I are meeting at the 24 hour diner on 5th around 8. Do you know where that is?" She took a deep breath and sent it.
She ran out of the back room of the Bead Barn avoiding all the other employees who would try and keep her there. She popped into her 1970's station wagon that she absolutely adored and called "the Death Star" and headed home. It was only a 5 minute drive, but she had to have good tunes. So she turned up "" by Matt and Kim and rolled down the windows. It was winter in California, only a few short days till Christmas, and yet the weather was perfect.
4/4/10
Giving away my heart.
People ask me why I always have to be in love. They say it’s dumb and that I am just digging myself a hole to fall in. I know I am, but its the only way to keep me from turning into my father. Once he lost his love, that is when he lost his humanity. So I do have to love. I do have to hold on with my heartstrings to each man that catches my eye. It may be destructive but the alternative is far worse. I am fighting fire with fire here. You tell me to slow down, I’m only 20. Chill out, there is time for marriage later. I know that. I am not looking to get married. I am looking to fill my heart so full of love that all of the hatred and the bitterness, all of the detachment and silent feuds will fade away. That all of that pain that I am holding inside will dissipate. That’s why I have Him. He has always been the one who could make that go away. Not once in our time together have I wanted to run away from him or hurt him in anyway. He has been the one who when I couldn’t find a boy in my life to keep my heart full I could turn back to. Just as he is using me I am using him. Some people say “Playing with matches a girl can get burned” well a burn on the finger is better than the forest fire that destroyed my childhood. I will fight for my heart. I will fight for my right to give it away. As long as it’s not in my possession I can’t destroy it. I am now beginning to understand the dilemma of the werewolf. Loathing oneself to protect the ones you love. I hope I can always find a home for my heart, because it does no one any good when it’s inside my chest. So don’t judge me for throwing these words around. Don’t criticize me for wanting him so bad. Don’t say that I am throwing myself at these men because I have no self esteem. I do have self esteem. But I also care about the people around me. That’s why I give away my heart. That’s why I throw myself in this drowning pool. That is why I can NEVER let him go.
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