I miss home

I miss home. Not the place my parents lived, not even the house I grew up in. I miss feeling like I belong. I miss the friends who got me through high school. I miss the nights I was fine staying at home. I miss all day vacations with my friends to marching band comps. I miss not worrying about cliques. I miss feeling safe. I miss feeling like I belong. I miss feeling loved completely, not just parts of me, not just for the parts I let people see. I miss the people who knew everything that I had been through and loved me all the same. I miss the people who didn't know what I had been through but knew I was broken all the same. I am sick of people treating me like I should bounce back. I can' bounce back. Not from this. Not from you. I can't deal with this stuff right now. I can't deal with the 14 year old drama that you're giving me because I have been dealing with things above your head. I can't deal with you mourning that boy because I handled that on my own 4 months ago and you paid me no mind. I don't really care how sad you are. You blow your nose and get over it. Look at me. I just balled my eyes out and no one cared. I am going to write this blog and then finish the 80 pages I have to read before tomorrow. So I'm sorry you're sad, but life is not going to stop for you. Life isn't stopping for me to mourn missing my home. I still have to get up at 6 tomorrow. I still have to go to school and do my laundry and do homework. It's really not going to get any easier. I know you judge me for all the daydreaming and whatifing I do. I know it. I don't care anymore. If you knew what I have been trying to work through you would realize its either be hopeful and try or kill myself. I'm to strong to go out that way. So stop whispering about me. Stop judging me. Stop it. I'm just done. I am going to talk to the friends I lost in high school. I am going to reminisce about the good old days. I am going to wonder what would've happened if I stayed in that town. All I know is that I don't need you right now. I'm going to dry my tears and get back to homework. Screw this.