I don't think I've been grateful enough lately. I am feeling the pressure that a senior college student who is involved in 2 societies feels, but I am blessed beyond all belief. Today in Hemingway we discussed enjoying the now as Hemingway shows us in For Whom The Bell Tolls. As he says "I suppose it is possible to live as full a life in seventy hours as in seventy years; granted that your life has been full up to the time that the seventy hours start and that you have reached a certain age...So if your life trades its seventy years for seventy hours I have that value now and I am lucky enough to know it. And if there is not any such thing as a long time, nor the rest of your lives, nor from now on, but there is only now, why then now is the thing to praise and I am very happy with it" (182). How are you living in the now? What would you do if you had 70 hours to live? Would you be doing what you are now? Would I be sitting in the Crossroads eating lunch and procrastinating astronomy homework? Would I be at this school? Would I be in this town? So our teacher had us create 2 bucket lists. 1 that is just what we want to do before we die, and 1 that is what we would do if we had 70 hours to live. Here are mine:
Life: 1. Perform one of my songs in front of more than 250 people.
2. Go viral on youtube.
3. Get published.
4. Get in a bar brawl.
5. Visit every LDS temple in the continental US
6. Steal something.
7. PLan the perfect murder.
8. Kick a guy in the balls.
9. Open a bakery.
10. Tour with/in a band.
11. Use an alias for a day.
12. Read all of the "classics"
13. Have someone tell me I inspired them.
14. Own a neapolitan mastiff named Brutus
(those were just the ones I thought of in class)
70 Hours:1. Tell my father I forgive him.
2. Makeout with my crush.
3. Tell "her" off/give her some advice
4. Pray
5. Bear my testimony to the people I know who need it.
6. Pass on my journals.
7. Give my honest opinion to everyone.
8. Compliment everyone I see and do it honestly.
9. Give my possessions away.
10. Record a testimonial of my life and put it on youtube.
11. Write a letter to those I care about.
12. Visit Brother Grant.
13. Stay in Rexburg.
14. Go to Porter Park.
15. Sit under the trees I've marked my life by.
16. Smell the ocean.
17. Spend every last cent I have on things my mother wants but will not buy for herself.
So I am going to continue keeping these lists. I hope you love the life you're leading now.
5/20/10
5/6/10
Fiction with a ring on it.
As some of you may remember, I have my wedding dress picked out. And you also all know I go to "BYU-I Do". A common thing to do when you're bored up here is to plan your wedding. Last night while watching bridewars I just decided I might as well find pictures of what I want. So here it all is, planned out. Perfect. Now I just need a groom....hmmmm do you really need one of those?
The black of this over cream table cloths
These shoes, but in ivory
The setting. I love oak trees.
Bridesmaid dresses! SOOO gorgeous. It's from 1954.....we'll have to make them and add a black beaded cardie. I want one too.
Bridesmaid dresses! SOOO gorgeous. It's from 1954.....we'll have to make them and add a black beaded cardie. I want one too.
4/8/10
Amanda's LIfetime Movie Part III
As Amanda helped abate the line of angry old women she couldn't get her mind off Marcus. He was funny and soooo cute and really nice. If things went right with everything maybe she could drive up to Idaho with him. Is there anything better than a road trip with a cute boy?
Work at the Bead Barn normally passed slowly, but that day the clock was running at a glacial pace. Finally 4 rolled around and Amanda was pacing her 2 foot by 2 foot square waiting for Ally to come release her.
"Allyson please come to the register. Allyson please come to the register" Amanda said into the intercom 5 minutes later when she couldn't take another minute of the monotany.
Finally 5 more minutes later Ally managed to find the register.
"What's the rush?"
"Might have a date with a cute customer tonight?"
"Meh, men will only break your heart-- " and before Ally could go off into her schpiel about her divorce Amanda snuck to the back to clock out.
She punched in her number and clocked out and grabbed her back pack, throwing her apron on her hook at the same time. She pulled her phone out of her pocket.
1 missed call, 2 text messages.
Amanda quickly saved Marcus' number and then opened the text messages.
Text #1
Marcus: Hey so any chance we could hang out tonight? My family is driving me nuts.
Text #2
Melissa: I need a girls night! STAT!
Amanda was obligated, by the sacred bonds of best friendship, to respond to Melissa first. Who would she be if she put testies before besties?
"Hey, for sure. Quick question, any chance I could bring this new kid Marcus I met today?" she typed, thumbs aflying and sent.
10 seconds later a buzz. She didn't want to text Marcus back until she was sure Melissa was okay with it. Amanda flipped open her phone with fingers crossed.
Melissa: Yeah, totally kosher. Diner?
Amand typed back "yes, 8. Gotta get ready!" and sent it.
She pulled up Marcus' text next and typed "Hey! Yeah totally. My friend Melissa and I are meeting at the 24 hour diner on 5th around 8. Do you know where that is?" She took a deep breath and sent it.
She ran out of the back room of the Bead Barn avoiding all the other employees who would try and keep her there. She popped into her 1970's station wagon that she absolutely adored and called "the Death Star" and headed home. It was only a 5 minute drive, but she had to have good tunes. So she turned up "" by Matt and Kim and rolled down the windows. It was winter in California, only a few short days till Christmas, and yet the weather was perfect.
Work at the Bead Barn normally passed slowly, but that day the clock was running at a glacial pace. Finally 4 rolled around and Amanda was pacing her 2 foot by 2 foot square waiting for Ally to come release her.
"Allyson please come to the register. Allyson please come to the register" Amanda said into the intercom 5 minutes later when she couldn't take another minute of the monotany.
Finally 5 more minutes later Ally managed to find the register.
"What's the rush?"
"Might have a date with a cute customer tonight?"
"Meh, men will only break your heart-- " and before Ally could go off into her schpiel about her divorce Amanda snuck to the back to clock out.
She punched in her number and clocked out and grabbed her back pack, throwing her apron on her hook at the same time. She pulled her phone out of her pocket.
1 missed call, 2 text messages.
Amanda quickly saved Marcus' number and then opened the text messages.
Text #1
Marcus: Hey so any chance we could hang out tonight? My family is driving me nuts.
Text #2
Melissa: I need a girls night! STAT!
Amanda was obligated, by the sacred bonds of best friendship, to respond to Melissa first. Who would she be if she put testies before besties?
"Hey, for sure. Quick question, any chance I could bring this new kid Marcus I met today?" she typed, thumbs aflying and sent.
10 seconds later a buzz. She didn't want to text Marcus back until she was sure Melissa was okay with it. Amanda flipped open her phone with fingers crossed.
Melissa: Yeah, totally kosher. Diner?
Amand typed back "yes, 8. Gotta get ready!" and sent it.
She pulled up Marcus' text next and typed "Hey! Yeah totally. My friend Melissa and I are meeting at the 24 hour diner on 5th around 8. Do you know where that is?" She took a deep breath and sent it.
She ran out of the back room of the Bead Barn avoiding all the other employees who would try and keep her there. She popped into her 1970's station wagon that she absolutely adored and called "the Death Star" and headed home. It was only a 5 minute drive, but she had to have good tunes. So she turned up "" by Matt and Kim and rolled down the windows. It was winter in California, only a few short days till Christmas, and yet the weather was perfect.
4/4/10
Giving away my heart.
People ask me why I always have to be in love. They say it’s dumb and that I am just digging myself a hole to fall in. I know I am, but its the only way to keep me from turning into my father. Once he lost his love, that is when he lost his humanity. So I do have to love. I do have to hold on with my heartstrings to each man that catches my eye. It may be destructive but the alternative is far worse. I am fighting fire with fire here. You tell me to slow down, I’m only 20. Chill out, there is time for marriage later. I know that. I am not looking to get married. I am looking to fill my heart so full of love that all of the hatred and the bitterness, all of the detachment and silent feuds will fade away. That all of that pain that I am holding inside will dissipate. That’s why I have Him. He has always been the one who could make that go away. Not once in our time together have I wanted to run away from him or hurt him in anyway. He has been the one who when I couldn’t find a boy in my life to keep my heart full I could turn back to. Just as he is using me I am using him. Some people say “Playing with matches a girl can get burned” well a burn on the finger is better than the forest fire that destroyed my childhood. I will fight for my heart. I will fight for my right to give it away. As long as it’s not in my possession I can’t destroy it. I am now beginning to understand the dilemma of the werewolf. Loathing oneself to protect the ones you love. I hope I can always find a home for my heart, because it does no one any good when it’s inside my chest. So don’t judge me for throwing these words around. Don’t criticize me for wanting him so bad. Don’t say that I am throwing myself at these men because I have no self esteem. I do have self esteem. But I also care about the people around me. That’s why I give away my heart. That’s why I throw myself in this drowning pool. That is why I can NEVER let him go.
2/25/10
You're turning into John Wayne
So here I am introducing you all to one of my new favorite bands Twin Atlantic. I love their accents, I love their vibe and most of all I love the messages behind the music. Okay so the first time I listened to this song was the day after I finished one of Emerson's essays, but I've always been a strong believer in nonconformity. I like who I am and thats just not going to change! But this song spoke to me on a little deeper level. What am I doing because my country tells me it's what I should be doing? Are all of my actions supported by my own motives? Is everything that is cluttering my life cluttering it for a reason? I have been looking at my life and I think I am confident in my individuality. I think the things I am doing are because of my own belief in them. I think this song could be directed at all Americans or all humanity. Are you being yourself? Are you...you?
2/13/10
I Will Not Be Your Valentine, Nor You Be Mine
I wrote my first poem in over 3 years today. Here it is:
I Will Not Be Your Valentine, Nor You Be Mine
She lifted her head
to see what he'd said
Blinking back from the screen
"Will you be my Valentine?"
Her child's heart leapt for joy
There was nothing that day that could annoy
Today was her perfect day
Two hearts had found each other from far away.
A smile woas on her face the whole day long
The wind howled, the snow fell, but nothing could go wrong
Her mind rested on him the whole while
She decided it best to call
Share a Valentine's Conversation
So without any trepedation
She called, they laughed, she told him of her excitement
Excited she was to have him
His voice grew dim
"We are just friends...."
I Will Not Be Your Valentine, Nor You Be Mine
She lifted her head
to see what he'd said
Blinking back from the screen
"Will you be my Valentine?"
Her child's heart leapt for joy
There was nothing that day that could annoy
Today was her perfect day
Two hearts had found each other from far away.
A smile woas on her face the whole day long
The wind howled, the snow fell, but nothing could go wrong
Her mind rested on him the whole while
She decided it best to call
Share a Valentine's Conversation
So without any trepedation
She called, they laughed, she told him of her excitement
Excited she was to have him
His voice grew dim
"We are just friends...."
2/12/10
So it's been awhile since I posted on here, I've been using my tumblr more just because it's easier to use...but I put up a little more personal stuff there because less people I know read it...and it's not forwarded to Facebook. So I won't put the link up, but if you want to try and find it go for it! But now why am I really posting on here when I should be reading my American Lit homework? I don't really know. I feel like I can write more plainly here, my tumblr is more artsy and dreams. Now to the real point why I am here. To write about the dream I had last night. In Superheroes We've been reading Joseph Campbell's "Hero With A Thousand Faces" and it talks a lot about the significance of dreams. Last night I had a weird Nyquil influenced dream. I dreamt I was talking to Dr. Who in this warehouse. There was another man with me and we were trying to stop drug shippers. We were about to stop them when a bad man snuck up behind us and shot the guy in the head. Dr. Who ran into the Tardis and I was about to follow when the villan made me get down on the floor. He told me he liked my spunk so he just shot around me. Somehow I ended up getting shot on the front even though I was laying face down and I had 3 bullet holes. One in my left shoulder and two in my left hip. I went up to Dr. Who after it was all over and he just dropped me off at my house instead of helping me. I asked my room mates for help. My room mate Hailey called 9-1-1 but they told her to wait for them to call her back so that I could go to the hospital then. I was debating wether or not I could afford to go to the hospital because my wounds didn't hurt too bad, but were just annoying. It was time for devotional so we walked over to the Taylor and were waiting around for it to start in the foyer, but then Hailey got a call. Jessica, Elizabeth, Rocky and Alyssa decided to stay at devotional and instead of going sang a weird song about conjugating spanish verbs that involved a dog, a chicken and a sheep. Then Hailey came back and said we could go to the hospital now, but she didn't want to have to scrape her windshield so we were just going to walk. Then I woke up.
According to dreamforth.com "To dream that you are shot indicates that you are not holding a very high opinion of yourself. You may have committed an act that causes you humiliation and disgrace. " also "To see or use a cell phone in your dream implies that you are open-minded and willing to accept other opinions or viewpoints. You are also a very flexible person. " and "To dream of a hospital implies a need to be taken care of, physically and/or mentally. It indicates a need to restore order in your life. " also "To dream about a dog suggests that you have a talent or ability that you've neglected and should rediscover it. Dogs can represent loyalty, security, and faithfulness." and "To see chickens in your dream implies that someone in your life may be displaying weak or spineless behaviour. " and lastly "To see sheep in your dream suggests that you are afraid to embark on innovative endeavors and experience new adventures."
So apparently this dream had a lot of meaning. I need to buck up and do this thing I've been thinking about lately even though I'm scared. I am a good person who is flexible and loyal, and I need to increase my opinion of myself by doing this thing. Don't really know how Dr. Who was involved but thats it!
Happy Friday everyone!
According to dreamforth.com "To dream that you are shot indicates that you are not holding a very high opinion of yourself. You may have committed an act that causes you humiliation and disgrace. " also "To see or use a cell phone in your dream implies that you are open-minded and willing to accept other opinions or viewpoints. You are also a very flexible person. " and "To dream of a hospital implies a need to be taken care of, physically and/or mentally. It indicates a need to restore order in your life. " also "To dream about a dog suggests that you have a talent or ability that you've neglected and should rediscover it. Dogs can represent loyalty, security, and faithfulness." and "To see chickens in your dream implies that someone in your life may be displaying weak or spineless behaviour. " and lastly "To see sheep in your dream suggests that you are afraid to embark on innovative endeavors and experience new adventures."
So apparently this dream had a lot of meaning. I need to buck up and do this thing I've been thinking about lately even though I'm scared. I am a good person who is flexible and loyal, and I need to increase my opinion of myself by doing this thing. Don't really know how Dr. Who was involved but thats it!
Happy Friday everyone!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
